I woke up from a bad dream three hours ago and I refuse to get back to sleep.
I'm tired as hell but I'm afraid of bad dreams. So very afraid that I'm doing everything I can to stay awake.
It seemed like I was doing well but by posting this I know I've already taken many steps back.
Sometimes I really feel like begging you to stop endearing yourself to me. If I have to hurt then please, let it be complete.
I don't know if it's the fatigue or is it you but I feel exceptionally weak tonight.
The thought of saying goodbye still breaks my heart. I thought I could start holding back my tears... I really thought.
I hate to look outside my window; the little amphitheatre in the park keeps screaming the past at me. I hate to lie beneath these sheets; they wrap me with layers of emptiness and pain. I hate familiarity; it taunts me with a love I've lost.
I've ceased looking at our pictures quite sometime ago cause I wanna stop missing and pining for something that's no longer there but tonight the devil beckoned and as if in a trance, I succumbed.
Let's toast to my abhorrent, regressive, pathetic self for sticking my foot back into the slump.

I really hate myself for missing you the way I do -
I shouldn't have cried while I thought of you.
And I wonder if you miss me the same way too...


I almost forgot how it feels like... To be loved by you.
x o x o