there's always more to explore;

Monday, October 30, 2006

I just went to collect my new passport on Friday and I was made to wait for four fucking hours.
It was reallly crazy. The passport's quite cool though... Y'know, high-tech and all? I mean, I just wish it doesn't get flung outta my bumper car again cause I'm pretty sure it'll be highly damaged if one rolled over it. Bleah.
'The L Word' is very intriguing and addictive and I think I like it pretty much. How do people know of things like that when they live in Singaboringpore? I don't until the entire world has watched it.
We (or maybe I) need some controversy.
Or maybe some anti-peace, anti-law-abiding campaign? Like mass oral sex or something?
Seriously, what in it is a crime? Maybe I'm coming across as very ignorant but whatever, enlighten me. Haha.
And I have a lot more to say but I really don't feel like blogging anymore cause I just visited the toilet four times and I think I'm feeling faint.
Good(i-wanna-die)night.

\champagne kisses
5:35 PM

x o x o

Friday, October 27, 2006

My life now's really so mundane and boring and empty that I have nothing much to say about it. Well, except that it isn't quite a life itself. Boo.

I was reading my past entries from my old blog, those when I was still rather brain-active, and I actually kinda liked them better, though most were kinda melodramatic... But I like melodrama and melancholy!! I've always believed people write better when they're high on emotions or suicidal or hallucinating their room's a gas chamber... I like to read dark materials and get acquainted with the sinister side of life.
It's fulfilling though not accomplishing...
But it's good. Everyone needs a little corruption once in a while if not half their lifetimes. (:
And I think I need to start reading again and I wanna start a word bank book. Yeah, like in primary school, so I can build my vocabulary and I really like this whole language and literature thing. Or maybe it's make-believe... Haha. (:

I have life-important issues to decide on.
As you know I lost my spanking new camera about a month back, I'm now dying without one!!
I thought I could make do with the old one but it's being princessy and goes into bitch fits every now and then. So, I really need a camera! I mean.. I reaaaallly want one. Hehe. I can't decide if it's wise to get it. Sigh.
Then, I really wanna do something about my hair, which has been the same for a couple of years!
I really still want my mid-length inverted bob but I'm apprehensive. What if I miss my long ponytail?! But I'm also sick of washing my long hair (it's a bloody chore) and giving it the TLC it needs. Should I? Should I not? Ugh.
I also can't decide if I should get a job cause I wanna stay home and talk to the baby and I'm getting super lazy but I need money to fly Perth!! Should I just take the easy way out and ask the mum? Rahh!
I've been pondering on these issues that they're threatening my life, I swear! Haha. You see, my quality of life has degraded to such a state that these chicken-feather issues are killing my spongey brain. /:

On a lighter note, the baby insists that I put up her raps(???)!

Give her credit! She thinks they're awesome. Haha. Okay, I think they're er, funnayee. Heh.
You know how eager she was, like a kid, to tell me that the teacher wrote 'well written' on her work and that she passed her basic theory in one seating? She sounded so ecstatic that it made me proud. Not in the mummy way but cause I felt important and it's nice to feel important once in a while. (:

I think I miss some of my friends...
Oh well.

Love.

\champagne kisses
5:35 PM

x o x o

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

I'm having 5 am hawker cravings!
I miss those days when I used to do suppers almost every night.
What joy is there in eating supper alone other than getting fat? ):
Makes me all emo AGAIN! /:
All I do nowadays is just coop up in my room and live on drama serials.
Yeah, I know that's quite pathetic but I guess I am.
$!#!#@!
I think I need a life, like seriously. Haha.
Oh, whatever.
Somehow I can't wait for school to start. I'm thinking that's probably a good thing. Er, right? Heh.

I think I shall watch my hk drama till my mother wakes then I'll follow her to the market so that I can do some groceries shopping as well as decide what I shall have for breakfast, which is great cause I'm hungry already. (x

\champagne kisses
8:20 AM

x o x o

Monday, October 23, 2006

I am so emo that I woke up and cried cause my father favours his bunny more than mine and there's nothing much I can do cause I'm terrified of my own bunny.
Yeah, kinda crazy.
I can't decide if it's the lack of sleep, the messed up hormones or the lack of love but I do feel kinda helpless and mighty upset.
But I guess emo isn't that bad. I kinda like it... In a rather warped way.
I just don't like having nothing to do.

And I realised cockles look like bloody vaginas, quite literally.
Or maybe open wounds...
Or maybe... I should stop imagining what cockles can look like (it's not my fault that I came across this bag of gross live cockles in the kitchen!).
It's like grotesque food imagery. Haha.
Gives me another reason to hate those smelly cockles.
Why do I miss the Sylvia Plath days, I really don't know man.
BYE!

\champagne kisses
7:32 AM

x o x o

Saturday, October 21, 2006

My new NataliaVodiasexynova template is done and I am damn proud!
Haha. I spent like five friggin' hours, please!
And now when like my baby's gonna wake anytime, Steff's probably getting ready for work, eighteenyearolds are mugging for their As and my mum's making a din in the kitchen, I need to snooze for a bit before I dieee, in a very non sexy way.
More later and
Morning!(:

\champagne kisses
11:26 PM

x o x o

Friday, October 20, 2006

The SEX.
Natalia Vodianova

Please la, her name itself is like how sexy already? It's like oohhnataliaiwannasleepwithher kinda thing. Haha.
Maybe I should change my name to like erm... Stefania Yugoslavia??
Erm, so you wanna sleep with me?? Erm, no-go??
LOL!! Shit, don't laugh!
She should just scrape the L'oReal (is that where the aprostrophe should be?) and do CK.
She and 'pure' is just no consensus, no?

I am gonna be damn bored tomorrow please.
Maybe it's time to really search for a job. I think I'm just taking for granted that the mother will pay for my trip, somehow. Haha.
Someone date me!!

\champagne kisses
5:35 PM

x o x o

Thursday, October 19, 2006

iheartmanymany.
Yay!! It's almost two weeks!!
Time's passing well but I don't know why although it's only two weeks but it seems like eons and now I'm feeling all nostalgic and emo and all...
This is crazy...
I'm crazy.

Today's a sexy day!
A couple of people sex-talked to me, er I mean talked about sex with me!!
WEIRD!
Which reminds me how deprived I actually am!! HAHA. JOKE! (x

Steff's still thesecondlove of the day (I mean second is the highest rank anyone can rise up to now).
You know the hearttohearts, the LOLs, the craptalks, the mashpotatoes, the cadburychocs and she actually one of the very few that I'll share my bed with.(x
Not in a kinky way la! Haha.
I hope for better tomorrows for you, sweets! Love much k?

I still need the damn jobs.
And damn random but I want babies! Haha.
I ate alot today. Steff asked what was I having for dinner and though initially I said probably soup, I ended up eating rice, chicken wings and blahblah... I told you I'm greedy these days! Tsk.
I think I might still want my inverted bob someday. Sheesh.
And damn random again but I just have to say it... Why is black always associated with evilness and all things negative?
I think black makes me look better, cooler and sexier leh! Haha. Maybe cause I'm better than black? I mean I'm colours(??)... Haha. Or maybe it is evil afterall.
If black tried to cook up some stories like it's actually colours, you won't buy it right? And even if black tried to be me (i.e. colours), it will still be black right?
And if black and I were side by side, you'll choose me right?? I mean black MIGHT be evil afterall. (LOL!) I (really, absolutely completely) don't wish to be compared to black but I'm like the metaphor for colours(??) so I don't have a choice. Haha!
Does anyone even know what the hell I'm talking about? OMG.
I was trying to be angryemoandcrypticpoetic but y'know I think it just turned out stupid and no one in this psycho world will know what I'm talking about except mysmartiepantsself! Haha.
If you know what I'm talking about then great and if not, great too. Hee.
You know what? I miss lit can?? Can someone throw me a fuckin' sexy poetry book or something?
I hope there's some arty farty module I can take in uni! Whee!
I'm not very arty farty but I like being or trying to be(if it makes you happier) arty farty.
Arty farty is vogue!
Erm... Told'ya I'm crazy.
I think I'll sleep earlier tonight. Yes, three a.m. is earlier.

Night, beautifuls!

[edit]
My internet connection is damn CB and now I not only can't connect to the interfuckingnet, type the whole CB entry again and I also have to sleep at fiveinthesexymorning AGAIN.
It's like, WAH LAU EH!
...

\champagne kisses
5:39 PM

x o x o

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

This is so crazy!! I just read a blog and it made me like sick in the gut, literally!!!
OMG. I never knew the world could be so sick. At least not my world...
I really wanna help but I don't know how and it's freaking the hell outta me! I mean I can seriously see how some obsessions can lead to death and life is so good (it can get bad sometimes but still...) that I won't wanna die unless I have to.
Makes me wanna be a doctor of some kind... Y'know, help the sick?
I really wish there was something I can do to make a difference but it never seems enough. Hmm...
I wanted to say take me outta this crazy world but I realise crazy's sometimes good. Haha.

On another note, the day has been good. I'm just looking forward to December where I might fly Perth. (x I know I say that almost everyday but I need to remind myself cause I haven't been able to find lucrative jobs or I guess I just ain't looking the right way. Oh well... Maybe I'll just take the easy way out and get the mother to sponsor but I highly doubt she will.
I really feel like studying now for I-don't-know-what reasons. Maybe the long break from books did me some good or maybe the course description enticed me much much. Hurhur.
I am just sEXCITED. Hehe!
Oh ya, I am very happy cause finally the dad gave the greenlight to study in Perrrffff! Yay.

I think the period is coming cause I'm feeling greedy. Sad stuff cause I'm gonna grow fatTER!
Y'know, I wanted my inverted bob but I wanted and not anymore.
CB. Haha.
Okay, byebye!

I love Steffthesweets! If she and I both end up single, we could be together and love one another! Muahaha!
It's probably one-sided but which part of me looks like I care, huh? Hehe.
You know I kid. (x
iheartallandthebabythemost!

\champagne kisses
4:25 PM

x o x o

Monday, October 16, 2006

Yayness! One week has passed!
I have about seven more weeks! Things are getting better and I'm getting stronger. (:
Just opened the eighth paperheart and though the sweetness was plain to see, the bitterness just drains my heart. I'll just have to keep myself occupied and I know I'll be fine. This countdown thing kinda works. Heh.
Oh ya, baby, if you're reading this, why the hell did you write in flourescent yellow??! Haha! It's hardly visible to my failing eyesight, please!!

Hello, I need a high-paying job, someone!!
I need to fly Perth before I shrivel up and fucking die?
Bleah.

Anyway, I cannot understand why people question the matters of heart. It's damn stupid cause I mean could you answer me if I asked you why you fell in love??
Like how the phrase 'fall in love' suggests, it's supposed to be free and out of control, like 'fall down'? Get what I mean? And when you're asked why do you love this particular someone, your answer should be idon'tknowijustdo.it'sweird or something like that.
Love's never something guarded by logic, at least in my opinion, so stop asking me stupid questions.
Say I'm a hopeless romantic if you like cause y'know, I just might be that person you read in the papers tomorrow who helped her lover dispose off a dead body and cover up a murder, I just might.
If one day I ever have to feel the pain cause it has all come to an end then so be it. I will face the pain. Cause this is what I want now and this is what I will be wanting until things doesn't go my way...
So really, I ain't really foolish until everything fails and so, quit the questions. I can't answer.
And now, I'm thinking how stupid I've been when I kept questioning myself in the past.
Hmm...

I hate the social stigmas that stupid people create cause I'm a victim.

Love knows no boundaries fullstop

\champagne kisses
3:01 PM

x o x o

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Didn't realise it was Friday the thirteenth until like just.
No wonder we're all getting the negative vibes. Bleah.
I mean I can literally feel the void in my heart or wherever, somewhere beneath my chest.
iwannafuckingscreamandcry )':

Thank Goodness for retail therapy with the sweets today.(:
Got a huge ass red bag and a dress! All from FEP but no, not cheap at all in my humblepie opinion. All sponsored by the mother though! Oh, the brilliance! Haha.
I hope I'll wear the dress cause I'm so not a dress person. Besides my prom dress from two or is it three years ago, I have no other dresses in my wardrobe.
But I love the dress cause it's black and white and so stylish la! Haha.
Can't wait to show the love. (x

Caught new face 2006 and I could pick the winner out. So expected. Besides a few laughing stocks, it was kinda likethatlor. Haha.

The love's asleep and I can't bear to call and wake...
The night's getting too cold and lonely to bear. I hate the Australian's internet connection. I generalise but I don't care!
SIGH. I've got a painful eye and I need some love!

\champagne kisses
2:45 PM

x o x o

Friday, October 13, 2006

Grreeaat... My ass!
MISERABLE!
I hate the life I'm leading now. ):
It's mighty boring and almost meaningless please! I'm just looking forward to two months later, if I can save enough to fly Perth-ward, or four months later if I can't, which is pure torture.
And sweets* is lamenting about her ten more days or eight or something? UGH! Haha.

IMISSTHELOVE. ):

The almighty love's off to accompany the dad for the night cause he'll be flying back to sunny singapore later today. That means no video communication tonight, which means I'm a lonely soul tonight, which also means I'm pretty damn depressed.
Ya la, I'm damn weak. SO?! Cannot is it? PUI.
Thank God I dragged Poorn to my place to accompany me. Actually I feel kinda bad cause I think I bored her and she's now asleep. I mean you can't expect me to make out with her or something right? Muahaha! I'm cranky.

I'm just trying to occupy my time as much as possible to keep my mind off the large amount of time left before bittersweet turns sweet!
Unlike Steff who has scheduled phonecalls, I only have **paperheart-opening sessions at 12am to give me tomorrows. Fifth heart today and it's amazing how each heart never fails to bring tears to my eyes.
Suddenly I wish I had that universal remote control featured in Click. C'mon, skip it all!
Give me my baby!!
):

**paperheart: hearts folded by the love with sweet messages written inside. yep, to bring me thru all 112days. bittersweet. sigh.

loveyoubaby(:

\champagne kisses
6:22 PM

x o x o

You only make me miss you more...

\champagne kisses
3:09 AM

x o x o

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Day 2...
It's our 10th month today and it sucks that I can't see you nor touch you.
I'm so happy you messaged more today. I'm so delighted each time my phone makes noise and it's 'darling' I see. (: But somehow it makes me miss you more.
I went to your place today but it only felt vaguely familiar cause you weren't there.
I really miss you.
I'm still not used to this way of life. I wonder if you're getting used to things...
I think everyone's gonna shun me sooner or later cause I'm so irritating. Haha. All I talk about is you, all I think about is you.
Nothing else puts me in the mood like a 160word text message from you.

Opened the 2nd paper heart today...
So sweet.(:
It's the only thing that keeps me going...
Just a hundred and ten more.
I love you, baby.

I bought many pretty letter pads and coloured pens today! I'm gonna write to you! (:
Can't wait for you to move in to your hostel so that we can have a proper conversation.
I really love you.

\champagne kisses
5:21 PM

x o x o

Monday, October 09, 2006

It's more difficult than I thought it to be.

All I have is what you left behind.

It's only the first day and I can't imagine the next couple of months of solitary.

All I have is the film rolling in my head.

It's really miserable

Can you feel my misses through the wind?

The paper hearts will keep me alive each day.

iloveyou

\champagne kisses
4:32 PM

x o x o

Sunday, October 08, 2006

It was exhausting getting the whole BBQ thing to run smoothly and without letting the love know before hand.
Thank God for trusty helping hands, Poornima and Renjun or it wouldn't be sucha success. Haha.
I'm glad the people who mattered came and I'm glad the love had a good time.

Seriously, it was mixed feelings as I went through with the whole plan.
I didn't even know why was I making it a celebration when I'm constantly weeping inside... I wasn't even happy.
The event doesn't call for a celebration, at least not for me.

I know it's gonna make sound so weak and useless but I really have no idea how I'm gonna live the next four months, as from about eight hours later. )':
I AM REALLY DAMN SAD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
I can even cry on cue...
Even the almighty Gods are warning me. Nothing good happened today and that's a sign, an ominous sign.

To the one and only love*:

Dearest baby, you'll be leaving me in a matter of hours, a vast difference from the past almost-ten-months...
We've had our good times and some bad but I've no regrets.
You made my life a sunshine bliss and I thank you for that.
I'll leave out the more mushy and private stuff but I'll still like to end off with a big I LOVE YOU!
I really do. (:
I wish for angels to watch over you,
I wish for you to be safe, sound and happy,
I wish for success in your studies,
I wish for you, good luck.
Take very good care of yourself cause I can't be there to do so.
You'll always be on my mind. (:

\champagne kisses
5:00 PM

x o x o

There was this larger-than-usual spider at the chalet last night, interrupting our sleep and guess what?!
HAHA.
The love actually called the operater for help and said that there is a "DAMN BIG SPIDER in my room!"
HAHA!
The spider was larger than usual, like the size of your palm or slightly smaller but not "DAMN BIG" okay?!
HAHA!
The love didn't dare kill it cause "what if it spits some venom at me"??
HAHA!

You think snake is it?
I was fucking sleepy by the way.

In the end, they sent some ENGINEER (whoaaa!!) over who used a cloth and chased the "DAMN BIG" spider outta the room. I bet he's like doubleU-tee-eff!
HAHA!

\champagne kisses
2:19 PM

x o x o

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Suddenly I feel afraid
Suddenly I feel a surge of sadness
Suddenly I feel a huge void, getting larger and larger
Suddenly I feel time's slipping away quicker than usual
Suddenly I feel like crying everytime I see you
Suddenly only you fill my vision
Suddenly my life's uncertain
Suddenly I feel some regret
Suddenly I feel like I could lie there with you and just forget the world
Suddenly I keep having flashbacks
Suddenly your smell's an essential
Suddenly I'm so paranoid
Suddenly I'm gripping so tight
Suddenly I'm not complete
Eventually it'll all eat me alive,
Incomplete

\champagne kisses
6:26 PM

x o x o

Planning a Farewell BBQ for the love and I hope it turns out well. (:

\champagne kisses
1:19 PM

x o x o