there's always more to explore;

Monday, January 28, 2008

Sometimes I think if I think of you hard enough, you'd somehow miraculously appear in some form or another. I wonder if it's the works of the mythical telepathy we used to think we share or just your permanancy in my thoughts that anytime you appear seems like a time I think of you hard enough. How nescient of emotions I am to have thought it would be easier than this.
My heart skipped a beat and my gut knotted up when I saw your little blue window (only yours is blue) rising from the bottom right hand corner of my screen. My immediate instinct was to click on it and say something, something like I miss you - no, it didn't happen.
I checked and realised I was appearing offline and decided to leave it at that. I guess I was scared. Of what, I don't know.
Maybe I'm afraid of getting too close only to drift even further or maybe I'm just afraid your responses would be too superficial that it'll freeze my senses. All I know is you've finally made me fearful to even try and it's really sad cause I truely think we don't have to be this way.
Your nick says "it's ok to lose someone who doesn't treasure you" - I don't know what that really means, what's it referring to or what's going on but it just got me thinking... A lot.
What about someone who does, and does so very much?
Why does it seem really okay to you too?
I probably shouldn't be reading too much into it but I'm imagining you trying to tell me to dry my tears cause you know...
It's really okay to lose you.

Would it make a difference if I said it's not?
Cause I really think you should know you're still the reason these tears fall.
I think today I miss the way you smell and every ounce of warmth, surge of tingle and burst of bliss that comes with it.

I really wanted to put up pictures of my long, eventful day but I think tonight.
Sigh.

\champagne kisses
9:48 AM

x o x o

Saturday, January 26, 2008

I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall
And I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call
It's just another call from home
And you'll get it and be gone
And I'll be crying

And I'll be begging you, baby
Beg you not to leave
But I'll be left here waiting
With my Heart on my sleeve
Oh, for the next time we'll be here
Seems like a million years
And I think I'm dying

What do I have to do to make you see
She can't love you like me

Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

You keep telling me, baby
There will come a time
When you will leave her arms
And forever be in mine
But I don't think that's the truth
And I don't like being used and I'm tired of waiting
It's too much pain to have to bare
To love a man you have to share

Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

I can't take it any longer
But my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I can't waste another minute
After all that I've put in it
I've given you my best
Why does she get the best of you
So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine

Why don't you stay
I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
You can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

After being awake for about 30 hours, Stay by Sugarland successfully messes with my head.
I couldn't get to sleep despite not sleeping last night and a longest and most eventful today.
I think I'm finally ready to collapse after tidying my cyclone-hit room at this unearthly hour.
Everything else, when I wake.
<3

\champagne kisses
7:10 AM

x o x o

Thursday, January 24, 2008

I woke up from a bad dream three hours ago and I refuse to get back to sleep.
I'm tired as hell but I'm afraid of bad dreams. So very afraid that I'm doing everything I can to stay awake.
It seemed like I was doing well but by posting this I know I've already taken many steps back.
Sometimes I really feel like begging you to stop endearing yourself to me. If I have to hurt then please, let it be complete.
I don't know if it's the fatigue or is it you but I feel exceptionally weak tonight.
The thought of saying goodbye still breaks my heart. I thought I could start holding back my tears... I really thought.
I hate to look outside my window; the little amphitheatre in the park keeps screaming the past at me. I hate to lie beneath these sheets; they wrap me with layers of emptiness and pain. I hate familiarity; it taunts me with a love I've lost.
I've ceased looking at our pictures quite sometime ago cause I wanna stop missing and pining for something that's no longer there but tonight the devil beckoned and as if in a trance, I succumbed.
Let's toast to my abhorrent, regressive, pathetic self for sticking my foot back into the slump.

I really hate myself for missing you the way I do -
I shouldn't have cried while I thought of you.
And I wonder if you miss me the same way too...

I almost forgot how it feels like... To be loved by you.

\champagne kisses
6:46 AM

x o x o

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

I cancelled my dental appointment yesterday cause I didn't want to be deprived of any fun (and food) and most importantly, I don't want a swollen face (as if my face is not fat enough) especially when cny's approaching. Haha. My wisdom teeth can wait for awhile more. Hoho.

I've been eating alot since I got over my short stint of 'depression' a few days back and I'm becoming fatter than before! Gross. And guess what? I've got a sakae buffet date with Rj later! Yes, OMG but I'm still looking very much forward to it cause a craving needs to be satisfied. Haha. However, looking at my fat-faced pictures just awhile ago has made me promise myself to starve at least till cny cause I need to be hot for once and there's no better time than now. Lol. Okay, fine. I don't know how far my determination's gonna bring me but try okay? TRY. Haha.

I've sucha long shopping list but it seems like it's just gonna remain a list cause I'm so effing broke! My mum asked me how much have I left in my bank and I dare not answer cause I've squandered away a great deal of it on I-don't-know-what. Damn! I need to cook up some stories and concoct some ways to pacify her.
I really want a Gucci or LV, like really... ):

There're somethings that are really bothering the hell outta me but I just can't figure what actually are the problems. I know it sounds ridiculous but I really can't explain cause superficially, they can be solved pretty instantly and easily but I'm not superficial... Eh, not that superficial. Heh.

I think I'm gonna get inked. I want a nautical star (first) but I haven't decided on where it should be. Excited already. I hope it materialises.
Omg, money again! Sian.

Sleeping's the best. No moolah involved.
Goodnight,
you.

\champagne kisses
7:03 AM

x o x o

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Peeeekchers Galore Part II

18December:
Whores include Steff, Phil and myfatfaceself!
Good Luck Chuck (fuckin' lmao funny imho) and shameless camwhoring,

Xin Wang HK Cafe and my new found papaya soup love,

And crazy K-Box madness till 6am!

27 December: MOS-ing
Starring Rj, Poorn and me!
RnB finally after continuous mambo-ing. But don't get me wrong, I love mambo like siaaaooo!
I think I found love for clubbing again. Woots!

9 January: Mambooooo~
Crystle, Kelly and Phil.
Spend like three quarters of the time playing scissors paper stone, drinking, getting extremely high, people falling over each other, breaking glasses and the remaining time dancing like lunatics! SO FAB! (x

10 January: Gai-gai Day!
Favourite shopping kaki, Steff and later Van and Fi for dinner.

My new papaya soup love!

Yay! Much loooove! Need to gaigai again for CNY, yo!

16 January: MAMBO, again. (x
The longest day on the dance floor, EVER!
But super love!
Oh my love it's you that I dream of~~ Oh my love since that day~~
OHHH! It was also the day I learnt the amazing fact that whenever there's an angmoh on the podium, you're supposed to diam (keep still)!!!! I was so amused (and still am)!
Best thing was angmoh was there when playlist hit Summer Rain!! I wanna learn the front part lorrr. CB.
Anyways...

I think I spent a few hours putting all the pictures up and arranging them. Insane.
Now, back to mobtv and youtube!
I should get down to painting the other half of my room soon and stop being a bummer.
I think I wanna get a new camera and a lot of clothes! (:

\champagne kisses
9:33 PM

x o x o