I hate massive fights cause they never fail to tear me down. Lying in bed for two damn days makes me sick in the head. My incessant need for attention is driving everyone crazy and it's not like I'm not already trying.
I'm morphing into a suspicious, insecure, needy bitch and I don't even know why. I didn't see it until I did...

Sometimes reality really gnaws at the deepest depths of your no longer pulsating heart just so you feel the pain, just so you know you're still very much living (like the dead).
If all of these even make any sense to you...
There are times where you can't bring yourself to not trust your gut (trust me, it works like magic) but yet it's destroying reality.

Imagination kills and yet mine assumed a life of its own, taking over my every sense. Whatever happened to restraint and control, I really don't have a clue...
Harsh blatant words (perhaps of truth) kept ringing in my head, reminding me how I'm the cause of all the tension, stress and unhappiness. I think I lost my sense of worthiness. I think I lost all mental capability. I think I'm weak, dependent and heading for doom.

Sometimes you don't even know where all these negativity came from.
Your heart is grudging, you're distrusting and you get the blame for all the pain (and there's just more pain).
It's a vicious cycle.
Tears trigger anger and frustration, shouting and yelling trigger tears......

How would you feel if you want someone but it's not reciprocated? What would you do if someone special doubts your sincerity, your character and hates to come home to your face?

Brush it aside, go to bed, tomorrow will be a better day (or so we try to make it).

Then people try to put a smile on your face and you force a smile to show that you appreciate it (and you really do) but who knows your heart's still crying a river cause the only one who holds the key is holding back silently, sullenly.

I think need someone to talk to but I don't want the world to see me cause I don't think that they'd understand...

say a prayer for the desperate heart tonight
x o x o