Yay! Found the minimal brain capacity to blog again. Haha.

Y'know, I'm beginning to think that the series of misfortunate events I met with, were meant to be forbode something larger, darker and more misfortunate - the passing on of my grandfather.

I was never really close to him. He was this distant figure of much silence, respect and peculiar warmth during the conscious days of my childhood and he gradually became just a distant figure of respect. We didn't use to see each other very often - probably less than ten times a year - and even lesser after his bout of diabetes attacked his feet. Even when we met, we hardly converse pass three lines. The latest memory I have of him is probably during the hugry ghost festival, of him as an angry old man. Since he fell sick a couple of years ago, he became increasingly grouchy and unhappy. Perhaps if he were more positive, he could've lived longer.

When I got news from my mum that he was in coma, I seriously had a fairytale thought that he would wake somehow. I don' know why I still believe in miracles when none had came true when I wished for them. Ha. But seriously, his heartbeat was only revived after thirty minutes - what are the chances? I guess at the back of everyone's head, we all expected the worst.

Then the worst came. I was rather calm upon receiving the news. It was only after a few hours that I started crying, not because I was grieving but because I know that the regret of not being able to pay my last respects to him will live with me for life.

I'm really okay but there's just this constant tug at my heart that reminds me the distant figure is now gone forever and I didn't say goodbye.

R.I.P, YeYe.
If stories about paradise and heaven are true, I hope where you're at now is somewhere truely beautiful.
x o x o