first.class.desires

2008-10-16T03:17:00.003+08:00

太多的是非，太在意总会累。。。
嘴巴长在他人身上，爱怎么说就怎么说；不妨大方带过。
有时沉默不代表默认。。。
要说难听的话，要破口大骂，要撕破脸皮，要在谁的背后捅几刀那还不容易?
但又何必?
况且病猫似乎比疯狗可爱多了!

上了人生中三堂很重要的课:
1 世上没有白吃的午餐
2 有些所谓的友情对有些人是无谓的
3 不要太执着

真心挺我的一个就够了。
真的。

2008-09-03T03:06:00.003+08:00

I just switched off my lights, the cat's at the foot of the bed, snugly curled up into a furball; The darkness is denting my eyeballs and the silence is ringing in my ears; I hear the occasional cars passing the highway just outside my window, across the backyard and over the fence, and the recurrent dripping of water from the shower is beginning to form the chords of a lullaby... The seeming peacefulness is forcing me to address my thoughts - The occasional whiff of cat litter distracts me but it's not enough.

It's not that I'm not over you, it's not that I still miss you but it's just that I don't know if I'll ever be completely healed cause somethings still lead back to you. I'm good, my life's good and I'm happier than I can ever be in the last one year or so but I'm also jaded. Even if I liked someone, I don't know if I can ever bring myself to walk through another journey, which you've proved, may not even have a destination.

So, you'll never know cause I don't want you to know, cause you can't know, cause I don't even think you wanna know. Sitting around waiting for things to happen won't happen cause no one, not even I, ever thought it will happen, cause it's probably better if nothing happens. I can't even say when, how, why or what to begin with and if it were a story, I wouldn't know where to start.
I hope it isn't true but yet sometimes I wish you knew...

The cat's bells are jingling. I think I woke her up with my excessive fidgeting... I tried to hold her in my arms and coax her back to sleep but she doesn't like to be held, unlike me. I don't like spaces; I like being part of a clutter. Spaces make me feel vunerable and tonight I've too much space... And it's on nights like these that I wish you form the clutter on my bed...
No, not you but you... If you know what I mean.

On another note, I watched the Secret Diary of a Call Girl Tv series premiere just now and liked it! Too many nice shows these days plus my HK drama addiction that's taking me away from my assignment schedule.
Note to self: No more procrastination and work due in FIVE days!!!
I've been relaxing and having too much fun for my own good but then again, I've been going to school, which is a nice change from last sem. I deserve a white chip cookie! HA HA. (:

p.s. imissmybff ):

PEACE.

backstreetgirls

backstreetboys

<3

More pics next time! (:

2008-08-07T19:17:00.002+08:00

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we just give everyone a chance instead of disliking them for superficial reasons? Wouldn't the world be a better place if we (or you) didn't see a need to pretend so much? Wouldn't the world be so much more pleasant and accomodating if everyone cared more? Seriously, what's wrong with caring?

And cause you think you are all that, you can be all that and do all that. (:

PEACE!

2008-08-07T00:06:00.005+08:00

I'm about to be bored to death as of this moment. The guys are gaming, Crystle's sleeping (alreadyyyy) and so I'm left here to rot till the wee hours again cause I really can't get used to sleep-early-wake-early lifestyle. Sian-ness. Luckily I'm able to tap on Mark's internet. Haha. I need nocturnal non-gaming friends. Boo. Right now I'm just really needing some McDelivery but there isn't any here and there's no one to drive me! Well, no one virtually available anyway. Roar. Very unhappy and bored - so bored that I'm contemplating reading through my textbooks! Haha. But of course we all know that will never happen. LOL.
Oh, our previous troublesome and fault-finding neighbour has moved out and another one moved it today. This middle-aged uncle from I'm guessing Malaysia or China, from the accent (I don't know how are those two accents are similar but I just think it's either). Hope he's easy-going and nice and it's peace from now on!
Meowzrs have been making funny noises ever since I brought her back (by the way she is now twice of what she used to be but a lot more tame). I don't know what calls are those but sound like mating calls to me. Lol. Gotta de-sex her soon!! Crystle and I let her and Gatsby 'play' together and they seemed to be fighting but yet not hurting each other. I can't decide if it's friendly or hostile but they get very excited upon seeing each other. Crystle has a video and we'll see when she uploads it. Quite funny cause they keep running (when I say running I mean sprinting) around and we lost them at some points. Haha. (:
On another note, Olympic games starting!! Quite excited but I don't think I'll get to watch the Singapore competitors (yes, surprisingly I have a lot of nation pride!).

From before I came back. I miss Singapore life and friends already... ):

But I guess Perth's not that bad. Besides freezing my ass off and being bored to death, there are still mesmerizing rainbows to save the day! I saw TWO at the same time that day!! (:

2008-08-04T02:08:00.003+08:00

You know I've always had a thing for one-liners. I subconsciously like reading people who litter their entries with witty one-liners or are intuitively cryptic. It just gives me room to imagine. Haha. So today, I shall sum up my thoughts in a line... But before that, I need to jot down that I cleaned up Mark's puke last night after he got fckn wstd cause I wanna make sure I get repaid on this one. Lol. I'm positive the only reason why I'm falling sick now is cause I inhaled all that toxic fumes that evaporated from his puke. GROSS. :S

And, please don't take my sunshine away. (:
Go figure!

Goodnight
&
<3
!
P.S. I really hate the cold. ):

2008-07-26T07:29:00.003+08:00

I think I'm getting addicted to showers cause I'm feeling increasingly ecstatic and pleased after my showers and my baby bath seems to be running out exceptionally fast these days. Hmm...
Anyway, my feet hurt from my peeptoes. I think I bought them half a size too small - I blame the cold weather in Perth that shrunk my feet while I tried them on - cause the front portion of my feet are crushed to a numbing pain. ): I won't give them up though... Too pretty. Lol. Totally willing to sacrifice comfort for beauty! Actually only for shoes cause the only footwear I think are totally comfortable are my havaianas and they are not exactly multifunctional. Heh. Too vain, too vain...
I finally met Cherie yesterday for late lunch/early dinner. I can't believe I only saw her once for a mere three hourse this hols. ): SEE, too little time!! ROAR! Well, okay... At least I saw everyone I ought to and want to at least once. (:
Tonight's Phuture starred Steff and co, aunty loh, sha and siao... It was good but much time was spent shuffling and I don't know why my stamina was shit tonight. I think it's accumulative. I can almost feel my body surrendering itself to fatigue. I might fall apart soon, physically, unknowingly. Lol. Or may be... I just wasn't high enough. Haha!
Sha and I went for a supper marathon after that! Had Mr Prata with Siao and Kenny then proceeded to Upp Thomson for Kway Teow Gorengwith Sha! Crazy or whaaaat??! But KTG is seriously yummy, I swear. The indian uncle used to give me free food but I think he forgot about my existence already. Boo.
Aye, there are two annoying birds outside my window chirping their lives away now. Makes me wonder if every house have their own morning-chirping bird. Lol. Like y'know, the same birds chirp outside the same house at a fixed time every morning. You think? Me thinks yes. So amusing! Haha. OH, and sha told me swans are the only birds with penises. Hmm!?
Anyway, what's your take on unfaithful partners?
I say treasure what's worth the keep! What the hell are you thinking?? HAHA.
Meanwhile, try digest this.

I know, totally wanna cheat on me... Meoww!
Lol. Shuddup.

Good morning sunshine!

2008-07-23T08:43:00.004+08:00

It's 8.45 in the morning and I dare not sleep cause I have a lunch cum facial date with the mother and I can forget about waking up if I succumb to my sleepy self now. I'll snooze during facial! Shiokness. So here I am, trying to stay awake again but looking very forward to a sumptuous dimsum lunch. (((: I've already decided what to wear so I hope I won't take more than forever to get ready later. I'm gonna try and be on time cause if I don't, I won't hear the end of it. *shyawayfrommultipleglares* I said TRY. Heh.
I think I've been doing far too much shopping lately. Sometimes I pity my mum for having me as a daughter, really. Sigh. Yes, contrary to what many may think, there are times I feel really bad just that these guilt pangs don't seem to last very long each time. Haha!
Okayyy, I think I need to change my spending habits a bit. ): I need to be more sensible, really - It's like a constant revelation (does that even sound right??) yet nothing really ever happens. SIGHSIGHSIGH. I need to become a better person. I NEED TO.
Anyways, my break is coming to an end and I feel like time just leapt across my head. I don't seem to have done all the things I had in mind with the all the people I had in heart. Too little time, too little time... And it seems I'm no longer priority to me but y'know, that's okay cause I really kinda like my life filled to the brim this way. (: There's too much time to be old-ish and laidback in the future so I must exhaust every ounce of my now! Yeah, my kinda-warped theory. Lol. I guess I could do a couple more years till age (complete with wrinkles, sagging boobs and draping skin) catch up with me. Hoho. By then I really hope I'm rich enough for botox shots and lipo or poor enough to not own a mirror. OMGGG. ):
I got an abrupt call from Mark last night only to hear him brag about his "excellent" results and a demand to help him buy cigs. Zzz. Some things really don't change! Lol. But anyway, his call made me realise I.AM.REALLY.GOING.BACK. ROAR. One weeeeek...... Sobs. I will miss people and my princess life. ): BUT...
Things I can look forward to: My beloved kitty, communal living and a genuine attempt to make the best out of school. I'm an optimist! - Since now. Haha!
Anyhoww... Meet Meowzrs!! She's a devilish little tyrant but adorable to the max! (:

It might seem like watching tv's her favourite past time but really, once she jumped on my table and played with my shaver and got her paw pads sliced, leaving bloody paw prints all over my room. After that I concluded she either loved playing with my shaver too much, once bitten twice not shy, or is just plain stupid cause she did it again! Roarr!

That's when she gets caged. HAHA.
Miss you la, meowzrss!
ZOMG. I'm really omfg hungryyyy. I swear I can feel my stomach secreting excessive gastric juice! Gonna go get ready!! (:
Veryoverdue pictures soon! Maybe when I'm back this evening. (:

Adios!
<3<3<3

2008-07-19T07:23:00.005+08:00

OMG.
Back from Zouk, had a much needed shower and here I am (clean and nice-smelling), wandering around the virtual land, awaiting 8.45am so as to fulfill my responsibility of waking Steff up for work. Haha. Not that I'm feeling sleepy since I usually sleep 9-ish, but I guess I could really do some sleep after 2000 hours of party and 3000 drinks. Like, seriously. Lol.
But seriously-seriously, BEST PARTY-ING DAY EVER IN EFFING LONG WHILE, YO!
First was the masquerade-themed party at Kenneth's gigantic mansion (or what seems like it) then Zouk with free entry! A lot of drinking, a lot of games, a lot of hot, sweaty bodies and a lot of laughter. AWESOME LA. The company today was spectacular, really! Everyone was spontaneous and funn! I swearrrr... Must be the alcohol! Haha.
AND AND AND, Crystle and I had the prettiest masks at the party!! I don't care for any objections - They were! Seems like our three hours worth of creativity didn't go to waste. Heh.
Life is GooooD! LG. Haha. Omg. Fucking lame. OKAY.I.KNOW.

I shall let the pictures speaaak!
PRELUDE

Top is Funny's, bottom's mine!!

Evidently, everyone was gonegonegonegonegone (another night another day)... HA HA HA.
Wait till I get my hands on the rest of the pictures - nicer ones. (:
Till then y'all!
Yes, I'm damn act cool and lovin' it. HAHA.

Twist!? Peace?! Whatever!
<3

2008-07-14T06:31:00.007+08:00

Since I'm back in Singapore with plentiful of internet access and uncountable sleepless hours, I've decided to bring this space back to life again after a good long four-and-a-half months. When I told Funny that, she said and only to kill it again end july? HAHA. Okay, I shall try not to prove her right.
After all these months, one thing you have to know is that my life has sorta turned around. Well, not around-around but y'know, sorta. I'm a significantly happier person now, for real. No more daily tears, no more pinnings, no longer entrapped in my own cell of wretchedness. I found strength to laugh again, courage to put the past behind, and a heart to learn how to forgive, which is a journey I'm still on.

Occasionally, when I hear the songs that once belonged to us, go places we used to frequent, do things we once enjoyed or hear the things you used to whisper in my ear, I still get anguish attacks and find myself missing you but I know I will get by just fine. I used to be sad cause I wanted you back but I've realised you are no longer you and I'm happy just missing the better part of you.

My home in Perth is now a not so lavish, humble little cottage (looks like la) but much more lurrrrvee! A little filthy, a little crowded, a little backward but three bags full of laughter and fun. And and and, I got myself (finally, after eons) a little pussy!! I also have stories on crazy confessions and shit like that. Roar!
I'll post pics and more on my 'new' and retarded life sometime soon - I need to get back to mobtv now cause my show is sounding damn exciting in the background! Lol.
Random but I think I need to straighten my hair again soon cause it's getting unmanageable and I'm starting to take more than forever to get ready. Eeks! :p

PEACE!

I know! Face damn fat! ):
Lol.

2008-02-28T23:48:00.004+08:00

So it's been 3 weeks since I'm back.
I would like to think I've been moving on rather progressively.
Getting used to being alone, being independent, being without you...
I don't know why words like 'you'll always have a place in my heart' still streak my eyeliner but I know it's almost impossible to revive the love and laughter we shared.
Maybe I'm numbed, maybe you made it too easy for me to walk away by hurting me so bad, or maybe I'm just starting not to see a point in it all anymore but just maybe... And just maybe, I still love you. A lot. Deep down...
Cause your words still touch my heart, cause your laughter still makes me smile, cause when I read others, I still think about 'us' - how picture perfect it was and what could've been.
Sometimes I still question 'why' but I don't cry at every thought anymore. I'm learning to be glad for the things we once had, to forgive but not forget.
It may seem contradictory to put moving on and reminiscing on the same line but you know it's cause no matter how far, you'll always be a part of me.

'We' live forever in photographs and memories - always, always - as promised.

Maybe one day I'll find her who loved me, again.
For now, goodbye to you who left me.

2008-02-09T12:30:00.000+08:00

Shite. I need more determination than this.
If only I didn't have to go back!
OMG. Save me!

2008-02-08T03:11:00.000+08:00

New Year's Eve was bad. I spent the last hour of it and the first few hours of the first day of CNY bawling my eyes out of its sockets. I am sooooo weak, I hate myself sometimes. Sigh. I don't know if I can be considered strong for being able to hold on all these while or... Oh wells, all I can say is, I really tried my very best to make things work and to still be there for you but you've decided to take flight anyhow. Hurts so damn bad and scarred for good but I also think I cried the last of my tears.
I'll just let the beautiful memories stay and time heal my soul, and no, I still don't hate you or blame you for anything. I'll still be here should you ever need me.

Time to move on fatfaceself!
Sometimes I wish I had a sister or just a sibling I'm close to. I'm sure I'll move on much faster. Friends are good and I'm really thankful for those that were there for me all these while but there's always a time I feel bad for whining too much so, family's always best. I know I can always count on my mum but I really don't wanna disappoint or worry her. Maybe Crystle's right that sometimes you gradually become okay by pretending you are.
I just might cause I haven't cried today since I woke up though I still lapse in and out of sadness. I'm still adjusting my emotions and stuff but I will convince myself someone will love me better.
Step one, find eye candy!
Hmm... And I think I might have already got one. Woots!

I need positivity in my life! So breed it for me okay?
Like what Phil said, Singapore is not small but compact.
Pink elephant theory!

Day two of CNY WILL be better.

2008-02-06T00:42:00.000+08:00

Are you really at a happier place?
Do the flowers never wither?
Does the sun always shine for you?
Are the stars brighter than those of where I'm at?
Are you smiling like how I imagine you to be, till your eyes can't be seen?
Does your blankie keep you warm enough these days?
And when you're sad and lonely, do the clouds dance for you, birds sing for you, like how I used to?
Does the place you seek refuge at today feel safer and warmer than my embrace?

Are you really at a happier place?
Will you take me there with you someday?

Will you?

2008-02-04T07:57:00.000+08:00

My heart's broken and you leave me so damaged.
I can't eat or sleep and I hate sitting at the dinner table cause I have to force food down my throat no matter how nauseous I feel, choke back on my tears and pretend everything's good.
I don't wish to be so depressed all the time and I wish I can genuinely say I'm fine but I know I'm far from it.
Your words keep ringing in my head and I keep thinking about everything and I'm breathless with trying to keep up with you. I think I'm one month behind...
I can feel myself slowly going insane and I don't wanna be Britney.

Will you please say something to me?
No msn chats, no smses, no phone calls, no emails, no nothing...
I'm about to die alone and you probably won't even know.
Would you even shed a tear if I'm gone?

2008-02-03T22:59:00.000+08:00

One Wish - Rosette

it never feels right when we're apart
and it's even harder now
watching the lights shine bright as the snow falls down
everybody's rushing home tonight, to be together
but baby you're so far away
so i just had to call you to say

i don't need a thing
don't need the whitest snow
or the tallest tree
just one wish, one wish,
that i could be with you this christmas

i don't need a thing
dont' need the brightest star shining over me
just one wish, one wish,
that i could be with you this christmas

remember we were lost in our first kiss
underneath the mistletoe
it was only last year
but now it seems long ago (oh babe)
what i would've give to see your face
to have you near me now
but baby you're so far away
so i just had to call you to say

i don't need a thing
don't need the whitest snow
or the tallest tree
just one wish, one wish,
that i could be with you this christmas

i don't need a thing
don't need the brightest star shining over me
just one wish, one wish,
that i could be with you this christmas

and if i'd have to spend tonight alone
at least i've got you on the phone
and in my heart i feel you're here with me

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And I don't even think I can call whenever I think of you...

2008-02-02T16:10:00.000+08:00

Is it better to have loved and lost or never to have loved at all?

I say to have loved and lost cause even if given another chance, I wouldn't change a thing except cherish every moment more.

If only I didn't have to say goodbye...
If only...
It hurts so bad I don't even know how to start this end.

I'll always remember how sweet it was to love and to be loved by you.

2008-02-01T05:53:00.000+08:00

And the worst has happened...
I can't say I didn't expect it but yet it still came as a shock.
My gut didn't fail me again. Sometimes, like this, I wish as hell it did.
Ominous clouds hovering over my head refuse to dissipate. Haven't I had enough?
If tears streaming for five hours and counting isn't heartache, then what is?

You are the reason why words are cheap.
People like you are why people die of broken hearts and depression.
No one will know what 'fickle' really means until they meet you.
Yet it was only with you that I felt really loved.

I don't understand why if you've already decided why did you continue to pretend otherwise? And everyone knows 'I don't know' is not an answer.
If you thought I controlled you like a puppet, then what am I? Your little ragdoll you play with when you're bored or upset with the rest of the world and throw away when you don't need anymore?
I did everything you want me to, to the best of my abilities. I didn't mind being at your beck and call. I wanted to make you happy. I liked seeing you smile.
I know that many times I did things you didn't like... Like throwing my temper when you went out with her. I'm sorry but I hope you blame me not cause I wanted to be the one you love again. You once said we share something very special cause we can never stay mad at each other for long and I agree... I can never stay mad at you no matter how mean you are to me or how shabbily you treat me. You're just... Special.
Only that you made me believe you still need me then tell me not anymore.
I really don't care if the rest of the world thinks I'm stupid cause I know how I feel... But I guess when things are made clear there's no longer any reason for me to continue being 'stupid'.
Yet I can't help thinking of tucking you into bed for one last time, knowing it'll never happen.

My head hurts like fuck from fatigue and excessive crying and nothing seems to distract me enough tonight. Not mobtv, not youtube, not even blogging... In fact I don't wish to continue anymore.

I hope you're sleeping well... Cause I'm only walking away thinking it'll make you smile.

2008-01-28T09:48:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I think if I think of you hard enough, you'd somehow miraculously appear in some form or another. I wonder if it's the works of the mythical telepathy we used to think we share or just your permanancy in my thoughts that anytime you appear seems like a time I think of you hard enough. How nescient of emotions I am to have thought it would be easier than this.
My heart skipped a beat and my gut knotted up when I saw your little blue window (only yours is blue) rising from the bottom right hand corner of my screen. My immediate instinct was to click on it and say something, something like I miss you - no, it didn't happen.
I checked and realised I was appearing offline and decided to leave it at that. I guess I was scared. Of what, I don't know.
Maybe I'm afraid of getting too close only to drift even further or maybe I'm just afraid your responses would be too superficial that it'll freeze my senses. All I know is you've finally made me fearful to even try and it's really sad cause I truely think we don't have to be this way.
Your nick says "it's ok to lose someone who doesn't treasure you" - I don't know what that really means, what's it referring to or what's going on but it just got me thinking... A lot.
What about someone who does, and does so very much?
Why does it seem really okay to you too?
I probably shouldn't be reading too much into it but I'm imagining you trying to tell me to dry my tears cause you know...
It's really okay to lose you.

Would it make a difference if I said it's not?
Cause I really think you should know you're still the reason these tears fall.
I think today I miss the way you smell and every ounce of warmth, surge of tingle and burst of bliss that comes with it.

I really wanted to put up pictures of my long, eventful day but I think tonight.
Sigh.

2008-01-26T07:10:00.000+08:00

I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall
And I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call
It's just another call from home
And you'll get it and be gone
And I'll be crying

And I'll be begging you, baby
Beg you not to leave
But I'll be left here waiting
With my Heart on my sleeve
Oh, for the next time we'll be here
Seems like a million years
And I think I'm dying

What do I have to do to make you see
She can't love you like me

Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

You keep telling me, baby
There will come a time
When you will leave her arms
And forever be in mine
But I don't think that's the truth
And I don't like being used and I'm tired of waiting
It's too much pain to have to bare
To love a man you have to share

Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

I can't take it any longer
But my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I can't waste another minute
After all that I've put in it
I've given you my best
Why does she get the best of you
So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine

Why don't you stay
I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
You can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

After being awake for about 30 hours, Stay by Sugarland successfully messes with my head.
I couldn't get to sleep despite not sleeping last night and a longest and most eventful today.
I think I'm finally ready to collapse after tidying my cyclone-hit room at this unearthly hour.
Everything else, when I wake.
<3

2008-01-24T06:46:00.000+08:00

I woke up from a bad dream three hours ago and I refuse to get back to sleep.
I'm tired as hell but I'm afraid of bad dreams. So very afraid that I'm doing everything I can to stay awake.
It seemed like I was doing well but by posting this I know I've already taken many steps back.
Sometimes I really feel like begging you to stop endearing yourself to me. If I have to hurt then please, let it be complete.
I don't know if it's the fatigue or is it you but I feel exceptionally weak tonight.
The thought of saying goodbye still breaks my heart. I thought I could start holding back my tears... I really thought.
I hate to look outside my window; the little amphitheatre in the park keeps screaming the past at me. I hate to lie beneath these sheets; they wrap me with layers of emptiness and pain. I hate familiarity; it taunts me with a love I've lost.
I've ceased looking at our pictures quite sometime ago cause I wanna stop missing and pining for something that's no longer there but tonight the devil beckoned and as if in a trance, I succumbed.
Let's toast to my abhorrent, regressive, pathetic self for sticking my foot back into the slump.

I really hate myself for missing you the way I do -
I shouldn't have cried while I thought of you.
And I wonder if you miss me the same way too...

I almost forgot how it feels like... To be loved by you.

2008-01-23T07:03:00.000+08:00

I cancelled my dental appointment yesterday cause I didn't want to be deprived of any fun (and food) and most importantly, I don't want a swollen face (as if my face is not fat enough) especially when cny's approaching. Haha. My wisdom teeth can wait for awhile more. Hoho.

I've been eating alot since I got over my short stint of 'depression' a few days back and I'm becoming fatter than before! Gross. And guess what? I've got a sakae buffet date with Rj later! Yes, OMG but I'm still looking very much forward to it cause a craving needs to be satisfied. Haha. However, looking at my fat-faced pictures just awhile ago has made me promise myself to starve at least till cny cause I need to be hot for once and there's no better time than now. Lol. Okay, fine. I don't know how far my determination's gonna bring me but try okay? TRY. Haha.

I've sucha long shopping list but it seems like it's just gonna remain a list cause I'm so effing broke! My mum asked me how much have I left in my bank and I dare not answer cause I've squandered away a great deal of it on I-don't-know-what. Damn! I need to cook up some stories and concoct some ways to pacify her.
I really want a Gucci or LV, like really... ):

There're somethings that are really bothering the hell outta me but I just can't figure what actually are the problems. I know it sounds ridiculous but I really can't explain cause superficially, they can be solved pretty instantly and easily but I'm not superficial... Eh, not that superficial. Heh.

I think I'm gonna get inked. I want a nautical star (first) but I haven't decided on where it should be. Excited already. I hope it materialises.
Omg, money again! Sian.

Sleeping's the best. No moolah involved.
Goodnight,
you.

2008-01-22T21:33:00.000+08:00

Peeeekchers Galore Part II

18December:
Whores include Steff, Phil and myfatfaceself!
Good Luck Chuck (fuckin' lmao funny imho) and shameless camwhoring,

Xin Wang HK Cafe and my new found papaya soup love,

And crazy K-Box madness till 6am!

27 December: MOS-ing
Starring Rj, Poorn and me!
RnB finally after continuous mambo-ing. But don't get me wrong, I love mambo like siaaaooo!
I think I found love for clubbing again. Woots!

9 January: Mambooooo~
Crystle, Kelly and Phil.
Spend like three quarters of the time playing scissors paper stone, drinking, getting extremely high, people falling over each other, breaking glasses and the remaining time dancing like lunatics! SO FAB! (x

10 January: Gai-gai Day!
Favourite shopping kaki, Steff and later Van and Fi for dinner.

My new papaya soup love!

Yay! Much loooove! Need to gaigai again for CNY, yo!

16 January: MAMBO, again. (x
The longest day on the dance floor, EVER!
But super love!
Oh my love it's you that I dream of~~ Oh my love since that day~~
OHHH! It was also the day I learnt the amazing fact that whenever there's an angmoh on the podium, you're supposed to diam (keep still)!!!! I was so amused (and still am)!
Best thing was angmoh was there when playlist hit Summer Rain!! I wanna learn the front part lorrr. CB.
Anyways...

I think I spent a few hours putting all the pictures up and arranging them. Insane.
Now, back to mobtv and youtube!
I should get down to painting the other half of my room soon and stop being a bummer.
I think I wanna get a new camera and a lot of clothes! (:

2008-01-21T01:40:00.000+08:00

Stayed up the entire night again. Left home for the airport at 6 in the morn to send Poorn off at the airport. She's leaving for India again. I hope she doesn't disappear this time cause we've got tentative holiday plans. Haha.

The cold and damp air of early morn reeks of familiarity; it smelt like the air-conditionless nights I spent entwined with you at yours.
There's now a pungent emptiness to it but yet, a pleasant kinda sadness lingers at the back of my throat thereafter.
I smile with an ache in my heart, knowing that within me, I can never bear to let you part.

I'm not fine but I guess you'll never know.

I think I'm now tired enough to have a relatively good nap. I hope Steff's meeting me later so I can sleep like a dead log tonight.

2008-01-20T21:49:00.000+08:00

I hate this life I'm living, denying everything I'm feeling.
I hate all these sleepless nights, jolting awake from a series of dreams and nightmares.
I hate having to exhaust every ounce of energy I have in me just to have a good, peaceful sleep.
I hate that I still talk about you unknowingly, in a good way, like I used to.
I hate that I still think about you and I hate it even more that tears still fall when I do.
I hate that none of your words were true.
I hate all the emotional turmoil you put me through.
I hate you for not even trying to make things better.
I hate that we're now strangers.
And I hate it so much that despite hating it all, I'm still giving up everything that I want just to please you.

I just hope you've been smiling and I'll learn to be glad.

2008-01-15T18:56:00.000+08:00

Time for pictures!
Like a month's worth of it so take your time!(:

Mambo, 5th December - the addiction begins!

7th December, 21st with the family.

8th December, 21st @ Vila'ge

Mambo!! 12th December (:

2008-01-15T18:03:00.000+08:00

I'm at sucha loss.
Why do some people have so little regard for what they say? They can sound so sincere one moment and yet retract it the next... Or is it the person that they have little regard for?
You tore me apart by going back on 3 weeks worth of constant reassurance and promises. Why are your words so cheap? Why can't you for once let me prove to people around that I'm not a fool?
I overlooked, embraced, accepted and forgave cause of an inexplicable feeling I have for you. I still believe deep down there's still a part of the 'you' I used to love, that's not lost - the side I saw for the past 3 weeks.
I didn't even have a chance to embark on the new journey you promised me.
Can you please not let me be wrong about you this time?
Please?
If higher powers do exist, please, show me it pays to practice the love you preach about.
I don't know how many more of such acute attitude and decision changes can I take.
It just isn't fair.
I was watching L Word and Bette said no one ever died from a broken heart.
Well, I think I'm about to be the first. I can literally feel the heartache and my tear ducts won't spare me.
If you have a heart... Let it be made of flesh and blood.
Someday baby, someday, I believe, we'll dream of blue skies, calm seas, fine sands and a colourful kite soaring in the sky again.

The only things that are keeping me sane these days are Mambo, alcohol and maybe youtube & blogging.
I'm so gonna make myself an alcoholic. I know it's stupid but whoever said I was ever logical anyway?
Few beers a day keep your depression at bay.
Now, I need a drinking kaki. Anyone?
So looking forward to Wednesday by the way.

And the judge and the jury
They all put the blame on me
They wouldn't go for my story
They wouldn't hear my plea
Only you can set me free
Cause I'm guilty (guilty!)
Guilty as a girl can be
Come on baby can't you see
I stand accused of love in the first degree~~~

Hoho.

2008-01-14T10:32:00.000+08:00

It's 10.30 in the freakin' morning and I haven't slept a wink.

I just finished the entire Tila Tequila's A Shot at Love series, all 10 episodes, and the first episode of The L Word (Season 5). I figure I'll be exhausted enough to fall asleep after this post.

Anyway, I don't know if it's just me or... But I realised I more than often tend to prefer the runner-up to the winner in reality shows. And no, it's not really a bad thing cause I guess I get more baffled and surprised than most people (supposing it's just a 'me' thing to prefer runner-ups) when the result unfolds.

Have I already said Shane from L Word's hot? Totally stopped my on anf off tears for a good 45 minutes or so.
I mean even Paris Hilton's hitting on her.

I know! I hate her black wig and whatever outfit she's in too.
Okay, I've something against Paris. You know how sometimes you just know you don't like a person when you see them, even if they're nice? Yeah, that's what it is and she's not even nice (I believe).
Whatever.

Was pretty upset the entire evening through night, since I woke up at 3ish. Didn't sleep well at all.
Kept jolting awake thinking I could've missed a call or a message from you, which must seem absolutely ridiculous to a sane person.
I've said and did all I could, but I'm just not getting any response from you. I don't know what's going on but whatever happened to not wanting to lose me and me being the only person that really made you happy?
I guess I've cried myself tired enough today.
The only form of comfort I can find right now is with the soft toy you left me.
I know it sounds really insane but right now, I'll turn to whatever that keeps me going.
I will attempt to stop making attempts and not think about anything till I forget.
I think I'm now exhausted enough to sleep for a couple of hours before heading out to exhaust myself further so that I can sleep tonight. My life's suddenly a big fuckin' chore again! I wish a creature, ghost, monster or the like eats me up in my sleep!

Are you even reading this?

2008-01-11T15:03:00.000+08:00

Happy 2008 everyone!
If things weren't fine for you in 2007, I hope they're starting to look up this brand new year and if you've been fine and dandy, I hope things will start to suck for you cause it's my turn to smile now. Haha. I'm kidding, please!! Not that mean...
All I can say is that I'm glad I survived 2007. Nothing good even came close. No special feelings about turning 21, not surprised that certain events didn't turn out like how I imagined them to be.
One year ago I was the happiest girl in the world. I had so much drive and fervour I never knew I had, for life. I could die and be contented. Really. I never knew I can ever be that happy.
Even though I've lost it all, just remniscing still makes my heart smile but just within nano-seconds, I would find tears soaking my cheeks and myself choking from excessive mucus; That's how hard reality's biting me.
As pessimistic as I may sound, I already forsee myself gritting my teeth through 2008.
Somehow I hope you're reading this...
I miss you.
Can you tell?
I can't sleep even though my body's begging me to give it some rest.
I think I slept barely 10hours the past 3 days and I'm beginning to lose my appetite.
I think I'm gonna re-watch The L Word cause Shane's so hot.
I miss watching it with you though I know you only watched cause I liked it. I miss hearing you say Carmen's so hot. I miss the times you did things only cause I liked doing them. I miss the times you let me do the things you liked with you; I miss watching soccer. Still the same teams, still the same players but it's just no longer the same without you. I miss working with you. I miss the times you looked to my station just to deliver a smile (the lope-sided one that I can never fail to return), and the times I deliberately walk pass your station just to slip a love coaster into your hands.
My head's splitting from a bad headache. The past is threatening to burst every vessel in my head. I can't forget; I can't stop this machine of mine.
I hope it fails me.
I wanna rest.
I miss the oh-so-often late night suppers even though they made me fat. I miss taking the buses and trains with you. Even walking... I miss how you'll nag at me for wasting money on cabs cause we've already spent all our money on shopping and food. I miss how I had the chance to throw tantrums and get my way (or not - it doesn't matter). I miss how you gave the word 'irritating' an endearing ring. I miss our pointless squabbles about how I can't hold your hand continuously for more than 10mins, or when I fall asleep in the movie, or when you give me a wrong answer for 'did I put on weight'... Haha.
I miss the time we fought seemingly seriously but yet bursted out into laughter in unison cause I dug my elbows into your thighs in all despicability.
It still makes me smile. Did, still do, always will.
I guess you forgot...
My eyes hurt from crying. Swollen and ugly but yet comforting. At least I'm not numbed. I still wanna feel. Even if it's pain...
I know my friends that have been with me these past 9months will be disappointed in my progress or rather the lack of it but I just can't walk away (yet). I totally see where they are all coming from and I really appreciate the patience to listen and the effort to make me feel better.
Their presence is the only reason why I'm still alive and reasonably sane. (:
These past 2 to 3 weeks you brought a glimmer of hope to a brighter 2008 but it was dashed 3 days ago. I still have no answer as to why this is happening. I keep coming up with excuses for you, reasons that didn't seem plausible but still, I haven't walked away.
You asked me not to give up... And I never did.
I guess I seem really foolish but all I can say is...
The things love makes people do.
The ball's in your court now, like always. I'm just waiting, like always.
I'll keep the other misses for another day.
Let's go home some day...
Baby, some day...

*ilu,s.

2007-07-28T13:54:00.000+08:00

The internet has gone crazy!!
Firstly, there's something wrong with my MSN and hotmail. They keep saying wrong password which I'm so sure can't be wrong so I got mad and alternated between shit and fuck as the password for a couple of times and then they said I've tried too many times and made me type some shit to make sure I'm not a robot or something and then finally they let me in. Next was friendster. I checking the friend's request part and I realised I had TWO pending friend requests (i.e I am the one who request for them to be my friends) from TWO persons whom I've never heard of in my entire life much less viewed their profiles and they're from the PHILLIPINES. Seriously, I've NEVER browsed their profiles LORRR... How am I supposed to add them as friends??
SO FREAKY!
I half suspect my maid tried to meddle with my friendster when I'm out cause I usually dont log out. HAHAHA.
That'll be quite funny. HOHO.

2007-07-27T16:32:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you're glad and thankful for the bigger things but you can't help but feel the great plunge of disappointment for the seemingly smaller things.
And yet sometimes, somethings just can't be helped.
You understand but it doesn't mean you won't stand in front of the mirror and watch your waterproof mascara streak your face whilest thinking life really isn't great.

I need someone to blame.

Anniversaries and birthdays just happen to mean a whole lot to me.

2007-07-26T15:35:00.000+08:00

PICTURE OVERLOAD!

SPEGHEDDIES! One of my favourite words to say (to irritate Funny)!
Plus I think the set lunch's pretty worth the penny!

M.A.C addicts! Could've gotten 25% discount if I waited but I couldn't wait!!
But now I feel guilty cause 25% is quite a lot. Seriously speaking, my bad.

However, considering that we hardly use eye colours and that a full bottle of pigments will probably last us a couple of years, we decided to half the guilt and share it!

Shopping galore.

Then series of outings with sweets which made me very very very broke but still lovin' it. Hehe.

Stayover, Mcdees supper and food stuffing!

Baking at mine's!

The distorted muffins which tasted really good, imho. Heh.

Made-up to look pretty!

She made me do the dirty and messy job of creaming!

SHOPPPPPIINGGG!
Thank God for vouchers!

Finally, my new wallet! (x
Feel the love. Hoho.

I think I spent what could have been to feed me for one good semester in yucky Perfff and I feel really guilty but happy at the same time. Lol.
This is love... The love, man!
Now I'm thinking of ways to con my father into buying me a new handphone! I know, I'm a scheming bitch. Hur.

2007-07-23T13:18:00.000+08:00

Yet another emo night...
I have a gazillion things to say but they seem oh-so-familiar whilest running them through my head, as if I've said it gazillion times. Or maybe I have... Oh wells...
I'm extending my stay for another week. Perhaps it's my way of running away but honestly, I'm just glad to be home and away from the atrocities of life and the lowly beings - the bane of my life.
Why can't things be as simple as I envisioned them to be?
Fall in love, kiss and be merry?
I was too naive to simply believe we were happy. Maybe I was but you weren't and that's why you go away, I know... I'm losing faith and strength as the hours drag by. To be awake is a fucking torture and falling asleep has became a damn chore.
I wish I could still hold my faith with as much dignity as before but I'm gradually, slowly and painfully falling apart, crumble by crumble.
As I think back, I wonder how did I manage to coax my broken heart to overlook your atrocities as they are blatantly and deliberately placed infront of my enlarged pupils, like a mighty forceful stab in the back. I must be a deity or an angel of some sort. I must be...
Reaping what you sow no longer holds the same sorta meaning to me, neither does love and that sorta thing. I've taken down the walls I've built around my fragile heart one too many times only to let you stage multiple massacres, bringing me down once again.
Sometimes the simplest wishes are the hardest to fulfill and to that, I'm resignated.
But yet sometimes, I see a sparkle of light which seems to be hinting at answers I'm seeking.
I don't know how long more I can hold on or how long more am I willing to be disillusioned and every single second my heart and mind are waging wars against each other, fighting till the death of me.
Tonight, yet another war is being fought;
Love always wins but yet I'm always left defeated.

I'm sorry, I didn't know I bruise this easily.

Teach me to love with this hurt.

2007-07-08T13:16:00.000+08:00

It's been about two months since I last blogged and soon it'll be three months since I got ditched.
Ha. I don't even know who's still clicking this page. Lol. Wanted to ditch this blog like how I got ditched but there's a peculiar urge to say something tonight. Maybe it's a change in my mental state or maybe I'm feeling lonely tonight or maybe it's cause the date looks nice (cheers to the superficiality of mankind) or just maybe, I had too much durians tonight. I know, doesn't make any sense but really, can we make any sense out of this world right now? You see what you want to see, you hear what you want to hear, you believe what you want to believe, you do what you want to do - black or white, wrong or right, fight or flight - no one has a say, no one wants to claim the part they have to play.
I think I can say I'm starting to come to my senses (I can feel it but not quite there yet) and I don't know if I quite like it. I know, must be thinking I'm crazy but I'm not. Y'know it's like for this period of time, my life has been so intensely focused on you-know-what and now that the focal point is out of sight, I feel kinda lost and I really don't like that. Having said that, I really don't like being kept in the dark and being led by the nose either. I know pride is something that can't be held up too high but trust me, I think I've put down too much of it and it's just because I believed (in nothing). Up till now all I have are cheap talks which aren't even consistent to begin with. What goes on behind the curtains after the show, I really don't know and can't bear to even start imagining. I know we're all going to the worst case scenarios here but really, let's just try not to go there cause when my mind starts to work its magic, my gut is being made very sick. I still feel cheap when I think of how I held on (and still) but I applaud my strength to allow myself to be that pathetic being not once, not twice but over and over. To the person whom this may concern, I'm probably trying to play the victim (again) but really, I'm not. Throughout this whole ordeal, I've never blamed anyone though I admit I did have feelings of anger and resentment, envy and jealousy but afterall I'm made of flesh, blood and a pulsating heart. Can you blame me? And you probably don't know this but I've always thought I had a part to play cause if I were good enough, if I had done enough, you wouldn't have boarded another flight. Despite everything that had happened, I still stood right there at square one, right beside you cause I had a heart, cause I'm sentimental, cause I cherish, cause I'm true and most importantly cause I love. What do I gain in making you look bad? Sympathy? I really don't need that. I'm beginning to wonder if you even know me and if I really know you cause I can no longer guess what you're thinking or how you're feeling but whatever, all of these don't really matter right now. Maybe the distance did us some good by giving us some space to think of what we really want and to do what we really wanna do.
Since you can do it, I can too!
All I need is to let go of some inhibitions.

My only fear is to face all that hurt again. I'm afraid of not being able to handle it a second time. I don't wanna lead that kinda life that sucks the life outta me again... ):

2007-05-11T19:56:00.001+08:00

Okay, took down some of the harsher nittie-gritties. Figured that I shouldn't air too much of my dirty laundry though I think they've been up long enough for people who need to know, know. Haha.
Well, and so I learn who are the ones that will be there. I'm grateful. Really. Can't express my gratitude to those we helped me and those who are still helping me get through this shit phase.
OH WELLS...
So anyway, shitty relationships aside...

GOOD NEWS!!!
I'VE GOT FREAKING MOBTV FREE TRIAL ACCOUNT!!!! MWAHAHAHA!
I AM SO COOL, I KNOW YOU WANT TO LICK MY TOES!!
LOL.
I can watch Singapore tv now!!!! Thanks to funny, who asked me to send an 'I WANT MOBTV' email. HAHA. Finished downloading six episodes of Mars VS Venus and I feel like the coolest Singaporean kid in Australia!
Anyway, I think the Singaporean government should send the kids back there overseas more often. It'll make them more patriotic! Well, it worked that way for me!
I am so Singapore proud now please...
We discussed about Eastern and Western cultures in class today and some angmoh said Singapore is like so Western (the proposition was that Western culture's more based on material and technology) and I was smiling, thinking to myself 'YA! That's cause we're so bloody advanced unlike you people who work like tortoises and take one freakin' month to activate a freakin' broadband connection!!' Mwahaha!
Singapore's small but mighty!!
YAY!
MOBTV, THE WONDERS OF TECHNOLOGY!!
Loves!

2007-05-09T02:17:00.000+08:00

Why do u lift me up only to let me fall?
Why do you croon those words only to hurt me more?
Why do you keep me hanging on this line,
This string of letters that makes me blind?
~~So tell me, when again can I call you mine?~~

I need to break away...
And I am cause this game is not mine to play.

I hate to miss you.

2007-04-29T21:37:00.000+08:00

Thanks E'an for taking me in.
You dont know how grateful I am.

On another note, sluts die early and so will you.
You all are evil and have no basic respect for my presence.
Seriously, why do you even bother contacting me? It just disgusts me more!

I don't even know why am I still here waiting on you.
I'm a fool for love and you can't beat that.
Remember my post on how I'm the kind that would help her lover cover up a damn murder?
It's now more clear than ever.

OH, FUCK IT.
I'm miserable.
Even tears are not enough...

2007-04-25T21:33:00.000+08:00

I've been an emotional wreck.

Never knew I could ever feel like this. It seems like the greatest ordeal that has ever struck me.

If only I could die.
If only murder was legal.
If only...
Too many...
Too soon...
Too painful...

How will I ever come to terms with this?
One day, one hour, one life...
Gone.

2007-04-18T14:57:00.000+08:00

I hate massive fights cause they never fail to tear me down. Lying in bed for two damn days makes me sick in the head. My incessant need for attention is driving everyone crazy and it's not like I'm not already trying.
I'm morphing into a suspicious, insecure, needy bitch and I don't even know why. I didn't see it until I did...

Sometimes reality really gnaws at the deepest depths of your no longer pulsating heart just so you feel the pain, just so you know you're still very much living (like the dead).
If all of these even make any sense to you...
There are times where you can't bring yourself to not trust your gut (trust me, it works like magic) but yet it's destroying reality.

Imagination kills and yet mine assumed a life of its own, taking over my every sense. Whatever happened to restraint and control, I really don't have a clue...
Harsh blatant words (perhaps of truth) kept ringing in my head, reminding me how I'm the cause of all the tension, stress and unhappiness. I think I lost my sense of worthiness. I think I lost all mental capability. I think I'm weak, dependent and heading for doom.

Sometimes you don't even know where all these negativity came from.
Your heart is grudging, you're distrusting and you get the blame for all the pain (and there's just more pain).
It's a vicious cycle.
Tears trigger anger and frustration, shouting and yelling trigger tears......

How would you feel if you want someone but it's not reciprocated? What would you do if someone special doubts your sincerity, your character and hates to come home to your face?

Brush it aside, go to bed, tomorrow will be a better day (or so we try to make it).

Then people try to put a smile on your face and you force a smile to show that you appreciate it (and you really do) but who knows your heart's still crying a river cause the only one who holds the key is holding back silently, sullenly.

I think need someone to talk to but I don't want the world to see me cause I don't think that they'd understand...

say a prayer for the desperate heart tonight

2007-04-10T07:56:00.000+08:00

呼吸着一种孤独的味道
心跳在你沉默以后慢慢的被淡忘掉
我笑了笑反正你看不到
我要的幸福遗落在你怀抱
当爱失了焦那些最初的美好
早被你搁在一角
街上拥挤人潮走着看着都是摧眠符号
记忆停不了穿过读你的心跳
穿过想你的味道我只想不被打扰

假装多好我只要只想要再拥有一秒
去相信你的拥抱一直会让我依靠
继续等待还心甘情愿的不想逃

当爱失了焦那些最初的美好
早被你搁在一角
街上拥挤人潮走着看着都是摧眠符号
记忆停不了穿过读你的心跳
穿过想你的味道我只想不被打扰

假装多好我只要只想要再拥有一秒
去相信你的拥抱一直会让我依靠
继续等待心甘情愿不想逃

假装多好依然是依然是暧昧的同调
一个人无理取闹两人世界的煎熬
我被自己困在自己设下的圈套

像是驼鸟相信时间是唯一解药
视而不见傻到了无可救药
其实早明了你的爱已随风飘
想要找再也找不到

假装多好我只要只想要再拥有一秒
去相信你的拥抱还心甘情愿的不想逃
假装多好依然是依然是暧昧的同调
一个人无理取闹两人世界的煎熬
我被自己困在自己设下的圈套

假装自己已解开冰冷的手铐

I have that song on repeat and I should be at a Jolin concert now!
Damn!

I miss made-in-Singapore chinese dramas...
When I get my broadband, I'm gonna subscribe to MOBTV!
Wonders, wonders of technology!

One week has passed and work done is about ten percent? Really pathetic.
I hate Mass Comm. It's pretty tough (imho).

I bought an exercise wheel and a hoolahoop and skipping rope (2-in-1!!) yesterday! I was so excited that I used them the moment I got home and since I haven't exercised since forever, my body ached like shit this morning!! Zomg. And all I did was like twenty on the skipping rope, twenty-five on the exercise wheel (that was killer!) and a total of approximately 25mins on the hoolahoop! I need to exercise!

Think we might (cause our plans seldom materialise) go on a one-day-trip to Swan Valley tomorrow. Can't say I'm excited (cause I'm not quite the sightseeing person but having said that, I might enjoy it) but it certainly beats sitting in my room, freezing my fat ass off, trying to decipher (yes, decipher! trust me, it's cryptic.) a textbook.

Porklet's napping on the (WHOLE) bed and it's seriously not helping my situation. Every five minutes I turn around and look at her and images of me using a huge shovel (or whatever you call that enormous spade) to shove her to the floor keep filling my head. HOHO.

I think I have an attention span of a baby cause I can't read pass five pages (when it comes to textbooks and the like). So torturous! I also have NO sense of urgency. The fire needs to be half a metre away from me before I start running.
I have to e-mail my group members my part by today. So good luck to me!
But I really just wanna sit here and stone or doodle or twirl my hair - y'know, anything but the book? ):
Gosh. I should really just go.and.~~die~~ ~~cry~~ try.

Jolin Tsai is singing me a lullaby through my earphones.
That's my cue.
Goodnight.
Lol.

2007-04-04T19:16:00.000+08:00

Porklet in my Little Twin Stars nightie shorts!

Classic and lovesss it!

Hoho.

And there, a little sneak peek into my toilet, which looks pretty decent right?

2007-04-04T15:50:00.000+08:00

Wow, I didn't know I haven't blogged in 2 months. I knew my blog was getting stale but I didn't know it was getting THIS stale. Haha.

So anyway, after arriving here, this sometimes-burning-sometimes-freezing Perfff, I was kept really busy with household CHORES and school work (yes, on the contrary to common belief, I am actually doing work and getting distinctions - zomg!) and trying to get sufficient rest and well, sex (joke!!).
As you would probably already know, it's Easter break now (2 freakin' weeks! I think back in Singapore we got ONE pathetic day on Good Friday??) and though I would like to say 'finally...', I just can't cause I have like 5 assignments and 1 test due within 2 weeks after the break!
Yes, I know! Insane please!
But y'know, how can I complain when everyone's probably going through the same shit as me or worse and apparently, it's far more worse in NUS and the like... So... I guess I'll have to try and be grateful for a lifeless uni life (oh, the irony!). Oh yeah, and to finish it off on a perfect note, I dont really have friends! Yes, schoolmates, project-mates and what you have but not friends (by friends I mean people you call to hang out OUTSIDE school and when conversations go past 'how's your weekend?'.)
My God! I kinda hate it. I especially hate one of my tutes where the entire class is angmoh or pseudo angmoh (did college/highs school here, have angmoh accent and angmoh friends and don't talk to you if you don't have angmoh accent). Actually, I think I'm the only Asian in all my classes except one, where there's a Singaporean guy (I think) but we don't talk (no, not good looking at all!) at all. So sad right? I should stand in the middle of the field and go 'Singaporeans in Perth unite!...' and lap up the whole banana dance thinggy. HOHO. HEE-LAIR-REAS!
Pretty evident at this point of time that I'm not really loving school as I probably should, huh... Remember my initial enthusiasm on starting school??! I think it flew right out the window. Damn!
The only good thing is that I feel super damn obliged to do my assignments and to do well and I feel mighty accomplished after I finish each assignment (like completing PhD thesis please!). Lol.
I did quite a bit of shopping at the beginning and thus I think I've burst my budget and now when I'm supposed to scrimp and save, I'm still not cause I'm sucha brat who takes money for granted (subconsciously, I swear!). Haha. Other than that, I think I'm getting used to the life here as well as the minority (Asians are peasants) treatment.
Seriously, if I had a gun, I would've committed a couple of murders here already (don't ask me why I need a gun - I just do.)! TWICE, the bus drove off right infront of my atas, uncaring (more like fucked) face! I cursed the driver's entire family as well as for the bus to crash, which very unfortunately, probably did not happen at all. People like these, should not just die. - They should die horrible deaths complete with faces smashed beyond recognition.
I know I'm so evil but just what the hell were they thinking when they drove off?? One of them even waved me goodbye! Fucking bastard, I tell you. It's no wonder why Funny thinks this place looks just like Malaysia cause with such attitudes, it's hard to progress and prosper. C'mon, they JUST started our EZlink equivalent! Tell me about it.

And just so you know, I've got a pretty neat cribzz. Hurhur. The room's freakin' small to share but I made it really cosy! The toilet's clean (cause I wash it) and I try to clear books and clothes clutter twice every week! See how I've changed?! Actually, I think it's cause I've developed OCD. It's terrible and porklet can barely stand it. ): She thinks I'm too fussy and should leave alone in a secret dungeon. Those who've been to my made-believe princess-y room in Singapore know it's far from princess-y cause it's never neat. Thank God it's only the room and the little toilet I've to tidy... I'll put pictures up when I'm free-er! (:

Living together has also changed things a little cause I think there's now more tension floating in the air (the OCD and the resident 'threat'! - more about that another time.) and just to put a figure to it, we have, on average, a small argument every 5 days, a huge one every 10 and a really massive one every 1 month. My blankie has also started to reek of drool and I've to pretend it is okay! Sometimes, adding salt to the wound, the only orgasm of the day came from self stimulation whilest watching porn (gasp!!) How sad please! HAHA. Okay, it's obvious that the last bit was purely fictional right? Yes, it is! I swear! Lol.

It's quite loser to say this but I've only clubbed ONCE (but it's in the hottest club, okay!) since I came, two months ago. It's supposed to be mambo night (like the zouk one!) and it was a pleasant experience. I wanna learn all the moves to the songs then we can stand in a row and do it the next time! FUN! Oh, and beers are cheap (much cheaper than Singapore, I think!)! Haha. Porklet thought it was good! So I'm guessing we'll be doing that quite a bit once she has got her car! YAY. Talking about car, I think we really need one and I just can't wait.
Imagine not having to deal with grouchy, racist, evil bus drivers, not having to rush to catch a bus, not having to walk 10 minutes to get to a bus stop, not having to wake up before the sun is up, getting to school in 20 minutes, driving to the city to get supper, clubbing and you know... The list goes on! And so...
WE NEED A FREAKIN' BMW CONVERTIBLE! - Cause I say so. Mwahaha.
Bliss.

I think I've gone on for pretty long now so I'll HAVE to go get some reading done for my assignments before I just blow this whole holiday (sooo not, please!) away.
Just so you know what has been going on and just so you know I'm still alive!
On a random note, I sooo don't wanna hit 21! It just sounds gross! Boo.

2007-02-06T18:55:00.000+08:00

Can you believe it?
I was helping my mum cut some tracing paper and I accidentally snipped myself with the scissors!!
And I thought such things only happen to two-year-olds...

I can't even cut paper!!
):

2007-02-06T02:33:00.000+08:00

I didn't pay my handphone bills and M1 finally decided to stop barking and bite!
Yeah. My line got cut off.
HAHA.
I actually find it quite amusing for some reason. Heh.
I guess I was really trying their patience. Oopsie!
So, I can't call out or reply messages now. Anyone who wants to contact me, just call me alright?
Yay to free incoming calls!

Anyway, I wanna thank everyone who came on Sunday to say goodbye!
I was pleasantly surprised and you all made my day! Thank you all so so much! I will miss each and everyone, I promise. I wanted to text everyone to thank them personally but M1 screws so yeah... Thank you okay?! And apologies for the shabby hospitality.
XOXOXO
Loves!
Oh, just being very curious, whose idea was it to place the shoes facing the neighbour's??!
SO CLEVER!
Or maybe I'm just not observant enough cause the number of shoes totally didn't arouse any of my suspicion. Heh.
Loves, again!
Goodnight.

P.S I haven't packed y'know?! HAHA.

2007-02-02T18:57:00.000+08:00

And I thought it was gonna be tough dealing with the pain...

The recovery process is killing me already.
Seriously, how does anyone survive any kind of structured diet?
I've been slurping semi-solid food for just almost four days and I'm already dying to do the norm like bite into a burger and chew some beef!
The wound is so tender that the slightest movements cause it to bleed and it's not even painful anymore (unless I tear it apart, duh). Just uncomfortable and gross.
Oh yeah, and I also want to exfoliate my face very badly. I'm so afraid of exerting force in case the wound splits. My face also looks pretty much like a stuffed hamster, which would be deemed cute only if I were a hamster.
But I'm not.
Super fugly please...
I also speak like I've a short tongue, which is quite repulsive if you start to imagine.

I really wanna do normal things!
Like, kiss...
):

2007-01-30T12:34:00.000+08:00

OMGzzz!
I just got two of my wisdoms removed!! Like finally.
The dentist gave me a soft toy to hug throughout the surgery and I actually did put it to use. I know! So embarrassing! I was so nervous that I kept talking to the dentist, asking her stupid questions like is it bleeding, is it disgusting, are you sewing it now?
I bet she was irritated. Haha!
The feeling's super disgusting at first. It's like numb and heavy and raw. Okay, I can't give a very accurate description but you get the drift.
( should have like go get my tongue pierced and a huge tattoo on my neck since since they were pretty much unfeeling slabs of meat! Haha. But no cause pain is pretty much part of the point of getting a piercing/tattoo. Heh.)
It bled quite a bit at the beginning and when I changed my gauze, there was this piece of blood clot stuck on the gauze. Pretty damn gross. Like period. Oops, too much info?
I think the amount of blood I ingested was enough to save someone's life!
Oh, they returned me my teeth. GROSS. I wanted to put up a picture of it but decided it's totally, overly gross. Haha.

Now??!
OMGz.
The anaesthetic's wearing off very quickly and the pain's coming on very quickly (duh)!
It's not damn pain like unbearable but it's a constant ache and it's very very annoying and disturbing and simply unappeasable.
I'm just icing my cheeks and chowing down ice cream like there's no tomorrow. Okay, at least there's a reason for my to eat ice cream 24/7 and grow fat. Yay.
Porklet's gonna come over with TLC tomorrow so double yay! (:

Y'know staring into people's mouthful of rotten teeth ain't that bad afterall if u can earn like six hundred bucks in thirty minutes! Wouldn't you?!
Hell yeah!

2007-01-25T21:44:00.000+08:00

I am so kiasu can?!
I just finished (well, almost) selecting the units I will be wanting and needing to take for my course!
They advised on taking a double major so I tailored mine to fit that. Hoho. I hope I can cope (omgzxz, it rhymes).
I can't decide to double with Public Relations or with Media Studies. Boo.
Oh, I also manage to squeeze in Creative Writing and some abstract thing like Structure, Thought and Reality and maybe Design. Hoho. Artsy fartsy! So exciting!
SEE!

Haha. I feel so enthusiastic about stuff lately and I don't know why!
I think it's cause in just ONE MORE FUCKING DAY, THE GF IS COMING BACK!
OMGZzz!
!!!!!
Yes, that is whyyyy!!
Very, very, very, ecstatic!
I know, so gay and irritating but WTF okay?! Cause I really am (ecstatic)!! Heh. (x

And and and, I've been doing these sketches whenever I feel artistic (just shush if you don't think so okay?)

(please ignore the signature indulgence. was practicing for my card la! :x)
cause I'm thinking of erm...
Getting inked (with porklet, no less). HOHO.
Still thinking, quite convinced... Hmm.

My exciting Taiwanese Ah-mah show just ended and I can't sleep cause my dental appointment's at eleven and I am quite afraid, somehow, though it's only a check-up!
I think it's cause I'm gonna be going alone, that's why!!
AH! AHH! AHHH!
Damn. But plus plus plus point, hair salon after that!
~~Say YAY and be gay.~~
Okay, maybe just say YAY!

Y'know, I don't think I'll be able to sleep later either cause I'll be too friggin' excited so three days with less than eight hours of sleep? Hmm... Damn bloody sexy!

Goodnight y'all!
Oh, but y'know, I'm facing something perplexing right now, like should I decide what to wear or try get some eye shut?
Mwahaha! Okay.
Loves!

2007-01-23T21:33:00.000+08:00

Pictures from a few days back!

Hilton Hotel - pre-departure seminar.
It was sucha waste of time cause I already read the whole powerpoint presentation online.
Crystle said it's for people who can't read. Haha.
Oh and you can totally see the Singapore culture there cause no one dared to raise their hands to ask any questions. I'm different, I had no questions! Lol.

Finally, Funny! (:

Telepathy personified! So omgzz embarassing! Haha.
We were trying to pretend we just ended work and were in uniform by talking out loud how tiring work was and how one of us should've brought a change of clothes but I think nobody actually bothered. Mwahaha.
But steff gave me a very pretty and funky lesportsac purse and I lovesss it! So I didn't mind having worn the same clothes at all at the end of the day. Hehe.
Loves you sweets!

Cartel! I love the free-flow bread! Heh.
They don't have the fifty percent off cakes after ten anymore y'know??! Super devastated.

I'm quite embarassed to say this but I wanna watch Jolin's concert!! Hahaha.
She's the concert kinda artiste cause you can always expect flamboyant outfits and great dancing! Okay, I've decided that I'm not embarassed cause idon'tcarewhatyouthink. Hoho. I won't get to watch it anyways and that's pretty sad. Sigh. Guess I'll be missing Jay Chou's one too if he's coming. BOO! Is there a possibility that he might go to perffff? Mwahaha! I wanna watch a rock concert too cause I've never been to one. So sad. Oh ya, and musicals and plays too!!
Porklet, can you bring me to one of these sometime pleaseee?

I can't believe I'm hooked on this Taiwanese Drama now! You know one of those with that Ah Chen guy?? Yeah! I'm watching it now and it's damn exciting!!
It's like this wicked woman, she went to America to have this face-off surgery and she took on the identity of another woman (which she hid somewhere of course) and now she's back in Taiwan, stealing the other woman's husband and caused a huge hurricane amongst this group of friends and killing people. Thing is there are still people who trusts her a lot and it's damn annoying when she tilts her head sideways and give that sly, youcanneveroutwinme smirk. It's climax-ing cause they're gonna expose her soon!!
Omgz. I can't wait till tomorrow fiveAM! Ya laaaaa... I got no life.
Goodnight and goodbye!
Gonna go sleep and hope that when I wake, I'll become more artistic. HAHA. I don't know why but I like to be artistic can?!
BYE.

2007-01-22T20:20:00.000+08:00

Haven't been doing much except sleeping in late, eating late and sleeping late. It's the ultimate weight gaining routine man!
I think I'll probably die from some imbalance of something cause my lifestyle's so erratic and topsyturvy. Haven't been going out alot and I think it's turning me into a sociophobe. Or maybe I'm just getting old and you know how old(er) people don't like to socialise.
I remember once, I haven't left home in many days and when I saw this huge crowd at topshop, I got kinda frustrated and a little flustered. Maybe I have a phobia of crowds (agoraphobia, I just checked it on the net. I like these somethingphobia words!) too.
Or maybe I'm just getting too dependent now. Like I can't go outside alone? Okay, I know it sounds lame. Haha. Yeah okay, whateverrrrz laaa. I don't know whatthefugg.

I watched Dancefloor just now and I don't think it's gonna be half as good as So You Think You Can Dance. I really liked the show, especially towards the end where almost everyone was damn good. Haha. But I still think I'll miss the Singapore shows - Ch8 Dramas, Ch5 Sitcoms, ChU Variety shows and the copycat reality TV where I might see my neighbour saying she's the next Superstar - when I'm gone! Boo.

Anyway, I'm gonna get my wisdom tooth extracted. I don't know when but I am gonna do it before I leave cause I really have to and I really want to. It's making my teeth crooked and I don't wanna leave it till six months or a year later cause by then I think I'll need braces, which will then cost more money, pain and vanity-sacrificing. For the record, I am damn scared. I still don't know where my threshold of pain lie on the pain-o-meter, I've never in my life had my tooth extracted or anything except polished at the dentist ever and this is gonna be an mini op, I suppose. Someone please tell me it doesn't really hurt that much.

You know, I was excited and anxious more than anything else about going to oz like one month ago but now I'm just nervous, scared, sad and really guilty. I feel bad for like almost everything I do and it's driving me crazy. You see, I feel bad about something and I just keep feeling bad about it and all these things run through my mind when I close my eyes and then I think I'm on the brink of death. It's really tearing me apart cause I can't sleep unless I'm really really really tired, which is really really really bad for health, right? Back to going to perff, I'm really scared to go now! The only consolation? I won't be alone. Yay.?

On a brighter note, four more days till the porklet's return! Yayzxz!

And the ultimate sweetheart!!

OMGzz. Cute right?
And she finally mastered playing dead, complete with hands up, surrender style!

I really hate to leave her alone...

I miss you porklet... Best of luck for your exams and loves you! (:

2007-01-20T20:06:00.000+08:00

I've found myself a new hobby in the past few days!!
I've been trying to train my bunny to

yes, play dead! HAHAHA.

How adorable please!
I know the chances of her mastering it is like one percent but what the hell, it's damn hilarious. Hehe.

Oh, how I wish she could go in my luggage. ):

2007-01-17T19:26:00.000+08:00

Your True Love Is an Aries

Why you'll love an Aries:

An Aries has the red-hot seduction skills to woo you
Never boring, an Aries will give you the romantic challenge you crave!

Why an Aries will love you:

You have the intensity and energy to go head to head with your Aries...
And the undying passion to keep an Aries coming back for more.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

If it's true, will you be coming back for more?

I think I'm losing you somewhere.

As we ran over the bridge and shouted across the streets

As we spun webs of deceit and built walls of defence

As we held on tightly and spoke loosely

As we loved like we never did

I think I'm losing you somewhere.

I tried to be the one you will need

Even if the world spins us by

Even though it's been tough and the birds sometimes won't sing

I still play your melody in my head

But I think I'm losing you somewhere.

I reach out to only feel the cold

The wind send chills of pain piercing the very core of my bones

The night manifests my broken heart

I reach out again in hysteria to only find

I'm really losing you somewhere.

I jumped out of bed raw and terrified

Like a laceration came to life

Thinking I lost you to somewhere

Tears of blood and blood of passion

I hate losing you to anywhere.

Am I losing you somewhere?

...And somehow you're worth the pain.

2007-01-11T23:17:00.000+08:00

I'm back to my disgusting sleeping habits where I don't hit the sack till the day breaks and the sun shines!
I know it's really bad but I don't know why I'm putting myself through these gloomy, lonely nights. Just can't seem to shut my eyes and sedate my mind.
Oh wells...
I can't believe I'm gonna be gone soon from the face of Singapore! Like less than a month please... I will certainly miss home and sweet people. UGH.
I'm like scared and sad, yet excited and happy and totally unprepared!
Pretty overwhelming...
Seriously hope I'll keep my desire to do well this time round and not disappoint.
AHH! Kinda freakin' out!

Anyway, I was browsing the photos in my com and I came across these...

We so need to do that again, before I go!
I haven't seen her in damn long...
I miss you, funny!
Note-to-self: Message funny asap.

I miss you too... ):
I know I'm sounding so gay and needy but I think I'm so lovesick.
Boo. ):

2007-01-04T16:17:00.000+08:00

HUH. Maybe abit? Mwahaha.
I think I can agree that I'm depraved and perverted(?!). Lol. Anyhoos, I'm gonna start reciting obscure texts and speaking in sexy verse. As the petals fallWith the ticking of the clockI count the times I've been out of sortsThe crashing rainThe chilling coldThe summer hotsAre still the sameALonely journeyWithout your touchAs I count the starsWith the rising of the sunI number the secondsTill I'm back into your armsOne two threeFour hundredFive thousandThe bluest of skiesThereTo greet us againWith love and intimacy

Okay, there's gotta be at least one person that's seduced, no?!
(GF??!!)
I wanted to use lechery in place of intimacy!! HAHAHA. But no, it spoils my tranquil, subdued use of nature but that's the first word that came to my mind! I know, roll-eyes. :x

Loves!

2007-01-02T20:28:00.000+08:00

Tsk. I hate the new blogger/old blogger thing.
Seriously WTF. Haha. Such labels are eyesore but I don't know why. I mean why do I have to settle with being called old just cause I haven't 'switched'?
Or maybe labels in general are just annoying. Haha.

Anyway, point of this post is that I feel like a bloody sexy heroine out of a funky comic now at four thirty in the morning cause I just killed a freaking HUGE cockroach by myself!!
I am really feeling the pride grow man.
I used to just run away or leave it but today I decided to pick up the can of insecticide and spray mercilessly! Might as well take the chance to practice since my dad won't be killing insects for me for the next few years right?
HAHA. I am how proud please?
The satisfaction is like mountain-topping, especially when you see it from scurrying to struggling! Hoho.
I left the body there to show-off!
Okay, I just didn't dare pick it up. Bleah. Hehe.
But I DID kill it and THAT's a feat! (:

Smack that has been bobbing in my head since yesterday's ride home. My gawdd.

Talking about yesterday, I wanted to box the ah neh that open car doors for hotel guests(whatever is the proper term) at Oriental Hotel cause after queueing for 324141hours for cab, he said that the MRT is operating 24hours on that day, which turn out to be a big hoax! Bloody idiot! Hope you rot and die.
Thankfully Sweet's bf, now affectionately named roro, whom I wouldn't name best driver of the year, came to send us home or the rage in me could make me walk back and stick a vibrating handphone up the ah neh's ass. Haha.
Hope you open car doors for life. PUI.
:Sweets, I loves you many many. hugssupertight.

Yesterday's new year wasn't very happy but now I'm happy-new-year, whatever that means. YAY!
I heart break-ups and make-ups - it's the process!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
(x

2007-01-01T23:30:00.000+08:00

!!! 2007
I need no resolutions cause they just serve to remind me how irresolute I am. Haha.
So, really, let's settle for wishes instead though they don't exactly always come true. Heh.
I wish for all those whom I love, which includes myself of course, to be very very happy and for a smooth year ahead of them.
Yeah, I think that's the most important thing.
Or I can go with Clara's ultimate greedy wish - I wish all my wishes come true.
Hahaha.
Whatever.
The fireworks were fantastic. They made me ecstatic!
Just a little some~~thing~~one's missing...
):
HAPPY NEW YEAR YA'LL!!!
Loves.

2006-12-30T21:32:00.000+08:00

It's not that we're losing faith.
It's just that sometimes when people tell you or make it seem like all you've done is shit, you just kinda give up on yourself and pretend in your own little world, that you don't actually exist and that when you wake up, it's all a little nightmare you cried away.

Then you remembered struggling to keep awake and those swollen eyes in the reflection served as a reminder of pain.

But then again we're not losing faith.
So you shut your eyes tight and allow fiction to infiltrate fact and it's all a little nightmare you cried away.

Smile, it's only a little nightmare you cried away.

A little nightmare I cried away.

2006-12-29T10:18:00.000+08:00

Yay! Found the minimal brain capacity to blog again. Haha.

Y'know, I'm beginning to think that the series of misfortunate events I met with, were meant to be forbode something larger, darker and more misfortunate - the passing on of my grandfather.

I was never really close to him. He was this distant figure of much silence, respect and peculiar warmth during the conscious days of my childhood and he gradually became just a distant figure of respect. We didn't use to see each other very often - probably less than ten times a year - and even lesser after his bout of diabetes attacked his feet. Even when we met, we hardly converse pass three lines. The latest memory I have of him is probably during the hugry ghost festival, of him as an angry old man. Since he fell sick a couple of years ago, he became increasingly grouchy and unhappy. Perhaps if he were more positive, he could've lived longer.

When I got news from my mum that he was in coma, I seriously had a fairytale thought that he would wake somehow. I don' know why I still believe in miracles when none had came true when I wished for them. Ha. But seriously, his heartbeat was only revived after thirty minutes - what are the chances? I guess at the back of everyone's head, we all expected the worst.

Then the worst came. I was rather calm upon receiving the news. It was only after a few hours that I started crying, not because I was grieving but because I know that the regret of not being able to pay my last respects to him will live with me for life.

I'm really okay but there's just this constant tug at my heart that reminds me the distant figure is now gone forever and I didn't say goodbye.

R.I.P, YeYe.
If stories about paradise and heaven are true, I hope where you're at now is somewhere truely beautiful.

2006-12-14T06:38:00.000+08:00

I haven't blogged properly for a month but I finally worked one percent of my brain cells to publish my previous haphazard posts. Haha.
So, it's been fun since I've came!
Been going out a lot, cooking a lot, shopping a lot, travelling and walking a lot but we haven't really got down to doing the house hunting, which is supposed to be the 'more important' thing. Oopsie. Heh.
I've spent like most of my money already so I guess I'll have to scrimp for the rest of my stay here. ): But that's okay cause I think I've grown overly fat. Boo.

Anyway, I've this whole series of unfortunate events ever since my arrival!
First, after clearing immigration customs at Perth, this officer stopped me and asked me a whole lot of weird questions. I'm assuming it's a random thing but hello, he asked me things like who am I staying with, a male/female, how long has my friend been here... I mean, if he asked how long am I intending to stay that's okay... Seriously WEIRD.
Then, my bag got sniffed by the quarantine dog (not everyone got that) but that's quite alright cause the dog was really cute - saving grace.
Then, the korean noodles that the love's parents bought for her got confiscated cause there wasn't english description.
Two days later, while waiting for the bus, this insane lady came up to me to ask for ciggarettes but I obviously do not have any and so I said I don't have any but she insisted that I had but just refused to share it with her and she started going on about how I will "never ever fit in" cause I'm from a different country and she made funny faces at me like pulling her eyelids back so her eyes become slit-like. I was quite shaken at first but it's quite hilarious, now that I'm thinking back. The lady later got dragged back into her house by a man she was initially quarrelling with. I'm assuming he killed her already. Haha. The love didn't get any of these for two whole months and I got it shortly after my arrival. /:
Then, on the same day, the bus we were on, went slightly off route and missed a stop so it had to make this huge U-Turn. It's not a big thing but it isn't something that happens very often and it isn't exactly a good thing, right?
Finally, just a couple of days back, we stepped into this place called Vintage Cellar or something like that, cause we wanted to buy some alcohol for the gathering at home but were being stopped at the door cause they needed 'proof of i.d'. The person said any photo i.d. but refused their student i.d, which has a PHOTO and D.O.B. Luckily I had my passport so I got in and bought it but that idiot kept saying if I'm buying it for them, he can't sell it to me. I mean seriously, WTF. When I asked him if I'm supposed to ask him for help or take them off the shelves on my own, he replied sarcastically "well, they're pretty much locked up so it'll be kinda hard for you to do so". Seriously, I wanted to say fuck off. If it weren't the only shop open, I would've walked out empty handed. AND when other angmohs walked in, HE DIDN'T STOP THEM! THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY'RE BLOODY UNDERAGE, for the record! I was really pissed, for like few hours. I am now travelling, I am a TOURIST helping to booost your fucking economy and feed your worthless self okay?! Sucha rude fucker!
I seriously hope that's the end of it man.
Like seriously, ugghh!

I am hungry and bored but I'm lazy to cook and move. Haha.

2006-12-11T14:33:00.000+08:00

Happy Anniversary!

We made it special by spending it normally - eating dim sum with like ten other people and then lugging groceries home. (:
Dim sum was good.
Haha.

ilovesyou. (x

2006-12-09T15:16:00.000+08:00

My Birthday Cake!
Haha!

Loves it. (:

2006-12-04T20:03:00.000+08:00

It's like four in the bloody morning and I haven't finished packing! OH MY GOOOODNESS!
I gotta leave home in two hours! YAY!
I hope my luggage isn't overweight...
Y'know my dad asked me to just bring "a few t-shirts", even when I officially go over to study??!!
SIAO.
I miss my bunny already. ):
I really hope my dad will be patient with her.

2006-12-01T13:20:00.000+08:00

I didn't like Tyra Banks in her talk show when I watched it previously.
It's like so overdone... So not funnaye at all!
But I don't know why I watched it again. Haha.
I think it's cause there's Nicole Richie and she said "Paris and I are not friends". Haha!

Anyway, after the longest time, I still haven't finished The Truth About Diamonds. It's an okay book, not very engaging in my opinion. I just keep guessing which character's actually Richie and which is Hilton and whatever...

Tyra Banks said her favourite shopping place is the 99cents shop and she goes there all the time. I think mine's Chanel? I just shop there, no.where.else.
Puhleeeze! Uhh!

And she was the only black model I likED... /:

2006-11-25T22:53:00.000+08:00

Anyways, anyways, I'm very excited now!!!
I'm feeling it as I inch towards the day I fly ALONE! *GASP*
Never in my almost twenty years before okay!
And and and I haven't seen my gf in flesh for close to two months! So, omgomgomgzz, I'm getting very excited!! (x But being the queen of procrastination, I haven't packed. HAHA.

2006-11-15T18:46:00.000+08:00

Hurrah hurrah!
My flight's confirmed.
I'm flying Perth on the 4th December and I'll be there for three weeks.
Yay!
I know that's pretty soon so I think I'll start packing soon cause I wanna bring half my stuff there first. Heh. It might be a good way to get the mother to get me more clothes cause I'll have half of them there when I'm back. Hoho.
And the wish list just gets longer!
Not good but since birthday and Christmas are approaching, I wish it gets shorter somehow.
Hey Santa, you heard me? I've been good. (:

OR

:Zara wool skirt

:Zara fury sweater

:Topshop skinnys

:Topshop purple cardigan

:F21 green tube

:F21 silky shorts

:Pull and Bear cardigan

:Black non-stretch denim mini Topshop or better alternative

:Ed Hardy t-shirts and tanks maybe just more t-shirts and tanks

:casual stuff like shorts and long shorts (haha, whatever that is) to wear to school

:skimpy funky tops for under cardigans

:one more pair of birkies

:nice flats AND heels

:a stylish match-it-all oversized tote for school, which I've yet to find

That's like two thousand dollars and it doesn't help that M1 just texted me saying "Your a/c 1234554321 has an overdue of $bloody-hell. Pls be reminded that you have now 2 or more unpaid bills. Pls ignore msg if paid. Thank you."
I haven't paid but I still ignored. Muahaha. Oops.
Thing is, the list will still continue to grow overtime and that's just UGH.
I guess I can live without some but we'll see.
I NEED the cam. And the shoes. And the phone. And the bag. Oh, and the skirt. And the...
Sheesh. ):
Oh anyways, I've got 20%off Topshop cause of the birthday month thing! So, anyone who wants something, we can get it together. Or y'know, if you have better discounts, call me!! (x
Desire is bad cause I just keeping wanting but I'm not getting!
Santa, pretty please?? I'll fix a chimney, a fireplace, a christmas tree and a huuuuggee sock just for you! I promise we'll do it the traditional way. - If that's how you like it.

HAHAHA.

fly birdie fly

2006-11-14T15:13:00.000+08:00

Met Cherie on Sunday and yay to outings with little shopping cause I'll have less desire to blow cash and sit-and-talk is actually just as engaging and therapeutic. Haha.
We talked everything from Angsty fights to Zealous sex and it was nice catching up! (:
I regret not charging my cam cause it's rare that we meet.
Date me again soon, girl!

Met up with Poorn again today at Vivo. I love the place! I love the numerous shops and though it's second time, I have yet to explore its enormous perimeters. I hate the crowd though. It sucks. Too hustle-bustle for my liking. It's so noisy that I feel like I've voices in my head! Haha. Roar!!

Ooh, I bought the baby a pair of jeans from Topman. Yes, even though I'm in debt. (:

I think I need to start adjusting my bodyclock. It's screwed and it keeps me from a decent lifestyle like fulfilling an appointment at two in the afternoon and actually having breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Suxxorr.

2006-11-10T21:43:00.000+08:00

You know, my Luohan fish died awhile ago and I was really saddened? I mean, I used to get annoyed by it for unknown reasons but when I saw it sickly and dying, my heart withered. Afterall, it's been five years? When it finally died, I was really upset though I didn't cry but well, I got over it fast. Then my dad came home with ten blood parrots and before I can tell everyone about them, they all died mysteriously. We suspect it's the insecticide we've been treating the ants with. But anyway, my dad then got eight goldfishes and one black goldfish. The black one was utterly cute! It is so black that I couldn't find its eyes and it swims like it's doing a dance to some disco music. Haha. I loved the goldfishes cause they were so adorable! But... they started dying one by one again! My favourite blackie died first. I was soooo upset. I know I must sound really crazy getting so melodrama over fishes, something I eat almost everyday, but if you keep seeing them die before your eyes, you will feel me! We suspect something's poisoning the fishes in the tank cause we took the remaining three out and put them into a goldfish bowl and they're surviving well.
I miss blackie and my luohan the most. ):
I think I will go into depression if my bunnies die... I so wanna bring them with me to Australia but it's almost impossible, I know.

On a brighter note, the mother's sponsoring my trip to Perrrff this December!
Hurrah!
She so spoils me silly. That's how I learn to take things for granted but that's bad, right? Ha.
I am excited to see the baby and I am thrilled to study again!
I know this new found passion for the studies is crazy but it's probably only cause I haven't actually started studying. Hur.

And y'know, very random but I was watching E! awhile ago and I saw how big a deal Titanic was with something like eleven(??) Academy awards and whatever whatever but I never did watch the movie in its entirety! Yes, until now. I just couldn't sit through the three VCDs(Then.) for some unfathomable reasons.
Am I the only one?
Does it seem unintelligent and shallow of me to say my favourite movies are White Chicks and the like, which only get one and a half stars with the critics? Are critics humans? How come they don't share the view of the majority?
Anyway, I've been wanting to watch The Black Dahlia. It hints at dark material - murder, mutilation, fetishes - and that's enticing (to me at least) but even that, gets only two and a half stars. What the hell. Gah! I wonder if it's still on...

My body clock hasn't been normal. I don't know what keeps me up till the sunrises but perhaps I should go sleep now and stop waking to the sunsets. I mean who the hell has breakfast at fiveinthehippyafternoon? Late afternoons are unsexy. Somehow.

Much love.

Happy 11months. (x

2006-11-08T16:57:00.000+08:00

Well it was ugly but we made it this far
Some have gone but I forget who they are
Now the hangovers are worse but we get through them fine
Sleeping late but were not lazy
Getting older but were still crazy

And I've got your back, you've got mine
Like Johnny Cash said "I walk the line"

I guess shopping's a hard habit to break. You try but you just keep givin' in. Besides developing a deeper fondness for steff's company, I've also churned up a whole mile long wishlist, which I assume will remain as wishes. Hurhur. I will put them up and try owning them one by one by unscrupulous means, whatever that means.
I hate being poor and too lazy to get a job but no, I don't think I'm gonna do anything about it besides wish and hope and dream. Haha. Yes, I know that's detestable but I can't be helped.
You know how freaking broke I actually am?
I'm left with 30odd bucks in my bank and I owe M1 two months' phone bills. HAHA.
The bills totally slipped my mind each time I intend to pay off half first but now I can't even afford a third. I think my mum will scream when the credit card bills arrive cause I think she thinks I still have money and haven't really been using them. ROAR!
I'm in a predicament!

Goodnight.

2006-11-05T08:15:00.000+08:00

Because we're young, because we're gone
We'll scare the skies with tiger's eyes, oh yeah? oh yeah.

We're so young and so gone, let's chase the dragon from our home!

It was great fun but I still heart R&B, boleh?? Haha.
Love!

I don't know why I'm so effing prone to shaving hazards but it's definitely the umpteenth time I shaved my skin off! Yes, eww!! And ouch! ):

2006-11-02T22:41:00.000+08:00

Why do your words cut deeper than my blades?
Why does the hurt come in such dark shades?
Why do my tears scorch my face?
Why are your hands so far away?

2006-10-30T17:35:00.000+08:00

I just went to collect my new passport on Friday and I was made to wait for four fucking hours.
It was reallly crazy. The passport's quite cool though... Y'know, high-tech and all? I mean, I just wish it doesn't get flung outta my bumper car again cause I'm pretty sure it'll be highly damaged if one rolled over it. Bleah.
'The L Word' is very intriguing and addictive and I think I like it pretty much. How do people know of things like that when they live in Singaboringpore? I don't until the entire world has watched it.
We (or maybe I) need some controversy.
Or maybe some anti-peace, anti-law-abiding campaign? Like mass oral sex or something?
Seriously, what in it is a crime? Maybe I'm coming across as very ignorant but whatever, enlighten me. Haha.
And I have a lot more to say but I really don't feel like blogging anymore cause I just visited the toilet four times and I think I'm feeling faint.
Good(i-wanna-die)night.

2006-10-27T17:35:00.000+08:00

My life now's really so mundane and boring and empty that I have nothing much to say about it. Well, except that it isn't quite a life itself. Boo.

I was reading my past entries from my old blog, those when I was still rather brain-active, and I actually kinda liked them better, though most were kinda melodramatic... But I like melodrama and melancholy!! I've always believed people write better when they're high on emotions or suicidal or hallucinating their room's a gas chamber... I like to read dark materials and get acquainted with the sinister side of life.
It's fulfilling though not accomplishing...
But it's good. Everyone needs a little corruption once in a while if not half their lifetimes. (:
And I think I need to start reading again and I wanna start a word bank book. Yeah, like in primary school, so I can build my vocabulary and I really like this whole language and literature thing. Or maybe it's make-believe... Haha. (:

I have life-important issues to decide on.
As you know I lost my spanking new camera about a month back, I'm now dying without one!!
I thought I could make do with the old one but it's being princessy and goes into bitch fits every now and then. So, I really need a camera! I mean.. I reaaaallly want one. Hehe. I can't decide if it's wise to get it. Sigh.
Then, I really wanna do something about my hair, which has been the same for a couple of years!
I really still want my mid-length inverted bob but I'm apprehensive. What if I miss my long ponytail?! But I'm also sick of washing my long hair (it's a bloody chore) and giving it the TLC it needs. Should I? Should I not? Ugh.
I also can't decide if I should get a job cause I wanna stay home and talk to the baby and I'm getting super lazy but I need money to fly Perth!! Should I just take the easy way out and ask the mum? Rahh!
I've been pondering on these issues that they're threatening my life, I swear! Haha. You see, my quality of life has degraded to such a state that these chicken-feather issues are killing my spongey brain. /:

On a lighter note, the baby insists that I put up her raps(???)!

Give her credit! She thinks they're awesome. Haha. Okay, I think they're er, funnayee. Heh.
You know how eager she was, like a kid, to tell me that the teacher wrote 'well written' on her work and that she passed her basic theory in one seating? She sounded so ecstatic that it made me proud. Not in the mummy way but cause I felt important and it's nice to feel important once in a while. (:

I think I miss some of my friends...
Oh well.

Love.

2006-10-25T08:20:00.000+08:00

I'm having 5 am hawker cravings!
I miss those days when I used to do suppers almost every night.
What joy is there in eating supper alone other than getting fat? ):
Makes me all emo AGAIN! /:
All I do nowadays is just coop up in my room and live on drama serials.
Yeah, I know that's quite pathetic but I guess I am.
$!#!#@!
I think I need a life, like seriously. Haha.
Oh, whatever.
Somehow I can't wait for school to start. I'm thinking that's probably a good thing. Er, right? Heh.

I think I shall watch my hk drama till my mother wakes then I'll follow her to the market so that I can do some groceries shopping as well as decide what I shall have for breakfast, which is great cause I'm hungry already. (x

2006-10-23T07:32:00.000+08:00

I am so emo that I woke up and cried cause my father favours his bunny more than mine and there's nothing much I can do cause I'm terrified of my own bunny.
Yeah, kinda crazy.
I can't decide if it's the lack of sleep, the messed up hormones or the lack of love but I do feel kinda helpless and mighty upset.
But I guess emo isn't that bad. I kinda like it... In a rather warped way.
I just don't like having nothing to do.

And I realised cockles look like bloody vaginas, quite literally.
Or maybe open wounds...
Or maybe... I should stop imagining what cockles can look like (it's not my fault that I came across this bag of gross live cockles in the kitchen!).
It's like grotesque food imagery. Haha.
Gives me another reason to hate those smelly cockles.
Why do I miss the Sylvia Plath days, I really don't know man.
BYE!

2006-10-21T23:26:00.000+08:00

My new NataliaVodiasexynova template is done and I am damn proud!
Haha. I spent like five friggin' hours, please!
And now when like my baby's gonna wake anytime, Steff's probably getting ready for work, eighteenyearolds are mugging for their As and my mum's making a din in the kitchen, I need to snooze for a bit before I dieee, in a very non sexy way.
More later and
Morning!(:

2006-10-20T17:35:00.000+08:00

The SEX.
Natalia Vodianova

Please la, her name itself is like how sexy already? It's like oohhnataliaiwannasleepwithher kinda thing. Haha.
Maybe I should change my name to like erm... Stefania Yugoslavia??
Erm, so you wanna sleep with me?? Erm, no-go??
LOL!! Shit, don't laugh!
She should just scrape the L'oReal (is that where the aprostrophe should be?) and do CK.
She and 'pure' is just no consensus, no?

I am gonna be damn bored tomorrow please.
Maybe it's time to really search for a job. I think I'm just taking for granted that the mother will pay for my trip, somehow. Haha.
Someone date me!!

2006-10-19T17:39:00.000+08:00

iheartmanymany.
Yay!! It's almost two weeks!!
Time's passing well but I don't know why although it's only two weeks but it seems like eons and now I'm feeling all nostalgic and emo and all...
This is crazy...
I'm crazy.

Today's a sexy day!
A couple of people sex-talked to me, er I mean talked about sex with me!!
WEIRD!
Which reminds me how deprived I actually am!! HAHA. JOKE! (x

Steff's still thesecondlove of the day (I mean second is the highest rank anyone can rise up to now).
You know the hearttohearts, the LOLs, the craptalks, the mashpotatoes, the cadburychocs and she actually one of the very few that I'll share my bed with.(x
Not in a kinky way la! Haha.
I hope for better tomorrows for you, sweets! Love much k?

I still need the damn jobs.
And damn random but I want babies! Haha.
I ate alot today. Steff asked what was I having for dinner and though initially I said probably soup, I ended up eating rice, chicken wings and blahblah... I told you I'm greedy these days! Tsk.
I think I might still want my inverted bob someday. Sheesh.
And damn random again but I just have to say it... Why is black always associated with evilness and all things negative?
I think black makes me look better, cooler and sexier leh! Haha. Maybe cause I'm better than black? I mean I'm colours(??)... Haha. Or maybe it is evil afterall.
If black tried to cook up some stories like it's actually colours, you won't buy it right? And even if black tried to be me (i.e. colours), it will still be black right?
And if black and I were side by side, you'll choose me right?? I mean black MIGHT be evil afterall. (LOL!) I (really, absolutely completely) don't wish to be compared to black but I'm like the metaphor for colours(??) so I don't have a choice. Haha!
Does anyone even know what the hell I'm talking about? OMG.
I was trying to be angryemoandcrypticpoetic but y'know I think it just turned out stupid and no one in this psycho world will know what I'm talking about except mysmartiepantsself! Haha.
If you know what I'm talking about then great and if not, great too. Hee.
You know what? I miss lit can?? Can someone throw me a fuckin' sexy poetry book or something?
I hope there's some arty farty module I can take in uni! Whee!
I'm not very arty farty but I like being or trying to be(if it makes you happier) arty farty.
Arty farty is vogue!
Erm... Told'ya I'm crazy.
I think I'll sleep earlier tonight. Yes, three a.m. is earlier.

Night, beautifuls!

[edit]
My internet connection is damn CB and now I not only can't connect to the interfuckingnet, type the whole CB entry again and I also have to sleep at fiveinthesexymorning AGAIN.
It's like, WAH LAU EH!
...

2006-10-18T16:25:00.000+08:00

This is so crazy!! I just read a blog and it made me like sick in the gut, literally!!!
OMG. I never knew the world could be so sick. At least not my world...
I really wanna help but I don't know how and it's freaking the hell outta me! I mean I can seriously see how some obsessions can lead to death and life is so good (it can get bad sometimes but still...) that I won't wanna die unless I have to.
Makes me wanna be a doctor of some kind... Y'know, help the sick?
I really wish there was something I can do to make a difference but it never seems enough. Hmm...
I wanted to say take me outta this crazy world but I realise crazy's sometimes good. Haha.

On another note, the day has been good. I'm just looking forward to December where I might fly Perth. (x I know I say that almost everyday but I need to remind myself cause I haven't been able to find lucrative jobs or I guess I just ain't looking the right way. Oh well... Maybe I'll just take the easy way out and get the mother to sponsor but I highly doubt she will.
I really feel like studying now for I-don't-know-what reasons. Maybe the long break from books did me some good or maybe the course description enticed me much much. Hurhur.
I am just sEXCITED. Hehe!
Oh ya, I am very happy cause finally the dad gave the greenlight to study in Perrrffff! Yay.

I think the period is coming cause I'm feeling greedy. Sad stuff cause I'm gonna grow fatTER!
Y'know, I wanted my inverted bob but I wanted and not anymore.
CB. Haha.
Okay, byebye!

I love Steffthesweets! If she and I both end up single, we could be together and love one another! Muahaha!
It's probably one-sided but which part of me looks like I care, huh? Hehe.
You know I kid. (x
iheartallandthebabythemost!

2006-10-16T15:01:00.000+08:00

Yayness! One week has passed!
I have about seven more weeks! Things are getting better and I'm getting stronger. (:
Just opened the eighth paperheart and though the sweetness was plain to see, the bitterness just drains my heart. I'll just have to keep myself occupied and I know I'll be fine. This countdown thing kinda works. Heh.
Oh ya, baby, if you're reading this, why the hell did you write in flourescent yellow??! Haha! It's hardly visible to my failing eyesight, please!!

Hello, I need a high-paying job, someone!!
I need to fly Perth before I shrivel up and fucking die?
Bleah.

Anyway, I cannot understand why people question the matters of heart. It's damn stupid cause I mean could you answer me if I asked you why you fell in love??
Like how the phrase 'fall in love' suggests, it's supposed to be free and out of control, like 'fall down'? Get what I mean? And when you're asked why do you love this particular someone, your answer should be idon'tknowijustdo.it'sweird or something like that.
Love's never something guarded by logic, at least in my opinion, so stop asking me stupid questions.
Say I'm a hopeless romantic if you like cause y'know, I just might be that person you read in the papers tomorrow who helped her lover dispose off a dead body and cover up a murder, I just might.
If one day I ever have to feel the pain cause it has all come to an end then so be it. I will face the pain. Cause this is what I want now and this is what I will be wanting until things doesn't go my way...
So really, I ain't really foolish until everything fails and so, quit the questions. I can't answer.
And now, I'm thinking how stupid I've been when I kept questioning myself in the past.
Hmm...

I hate the social stigmas that stupid people create cause I'm a victim.

Love knows no boundaries fullstop

2006-10-14T14:45:00.000+08:00

Didn't realise it was Friday the thirteenth until like just.
No wonder we're all getting the negative vibes. Bleah.
I mean I can literally feel the void in my heart or wherever, somewhere beneath my chest.
iwannafuckingscreamandcry )':

Thank Goodness for retail therapy with the sweets today.(:
Got a huge ass red bag and a dress! All from FEP but no, not cheap at all in my humblepie opinion. All sponsored by the mother though! Oh, the brilliance! Haha.
I hope I'll wear the dress cause I'm so not a dress person. Besides my prom dress from two or is it three years ago, I have no other dresses in my wardrobe.
But I love the dress cause it's black and white and so stylish la! Haha.
Can't wait to show the love. (x

Caught new face 2006 and I could pick the winner out. So expected. Besides a few laughing stocks, it was kinda likethatlor. Haha.

The love's asleep and I can't bear to call and wake...
The night's getting too cold and lonely to bear. I hate the Australian's internet connection. I generalise but I don't care!
SIGH. I've got a painful eye and I need some love!

2006-10-13T18:22:00.000+08:00

Grreeaat... My ass!
MISERABLE!
I hate the life I'm leading now. ):
It's mighty boring and almost meaningless please! I'm just looking forward to two months later, if I can save enough to fly Perth-ward, or four months later if I can't, which is pure torture.
And sweets* is lamenting about her ten more days or eight or something? UGH! Haha.

IMISSTHELOVE. ):

The almighty love's off to accompany the dad for the night cause he'll be flying back to sunny singapore later today. That means no video communication tonight, which means I'm a lonely soul tonight, which also means I'm pretty damn depressed.
Ya la, I'm damn weak. SO?! Cannot is it? PUI.
Thank God I dragged Poorn to my place to accompany me. Actually I feel kinda bad cause I think I bored her and she's now asleep. I mean you can't expect me to make out with her or something right? Muahaha! I'm cranky.

I'm just trying to occupy my time as much as possible to keep my mind off the large amount of time left before bittersweet turns sweet!
Unlike Steff who has scheduled phonecalls, I only have **paperheart-opening sessions at 12am to give me tomorrows. Fifth heart today and it's amazing how each heart never fails to bring tears to my eyes.
Suddenly I wish I had that universal remote control featured in Click. C'mon, skip it all!
Give me my baby!!
):

**paperheart: hearts folded by the love with sweet messages written inside. yep, to bring me thru all 112days. bittersweet. sigh.

loveyoubaby(:

2006-10-13T03:09:00.000+08:00

You only make me miss you more...

2006-10-10T17:21:00.000+08:00

Day 2...
It's our 10th month today and it sucks that I can't see you nor touch you.
I'm so happy you messaged more today. I'm so delighted each time my phone makes noise and it's 'darling' I see. (: But somehow it makes me miss you more.
I went to your place today but it only felt vaguely familiar cause you weren't there.
I really miss you.
I'm still not used to this way of life. I wonder if you're getting used to things...
I think everyone's gonna shun me sooner or later cause I'm so irritating. Haha. All I talk about is you, all I think about is you.
Nothing else puts me in the mood like a 160word text message from you.

Opened the 2nd paper heart today...
So sweet.(:
It's the only thing that keeps me going...
Just a hundred and ten more.
I love you, baby.

I bought many pretty letter pads and coloured pens today! I'm gonna write to you! (:
Can't wait for you to move in to your hostel so that we can have a proper conversation.
I really love you.

2006-10-09T16:32:00.000+08:00

It's more difficult than I thought it to be.

All I have is what you left behind.

It's only the first day and I can't imagine the next couple of months of solitary.

All I have is the film rolling in my head.

It's really miserable

Can you feel my misses through the wind?

The paper hearts will keep me alive each day.

iloveyou

2006-10-08T17:00:00.000+08:00

It was exhausting getting the whole BBQ thing to run smoothly and without letting the love know before hand.
Thank God for trusty helping hands, Poornima and Renjun or it wouldn't be sucha success. Haha.
I'm glad the people who mattered came and I'm glad the love had a good time.

Seriously, it was mixed feelings as I went through with the whole plan.
I didn't even know why was I making it a celebration when I'm constantly weeping inside... I wasn't even happy.
The event doesn't call for a celebration, at least not for me.

I know it's gonna make sound so weak and useless but I really have no idea how I'm gonna live the next four months, as from about eight hours later. )':
I AM REALLY DAMN SAD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
I can even cry on cue...
Even the almighty Gods are warning me. Nothing good happened today and that's a sign, an ominous sign.

To the one and only love*:

Dearest baby, you'll be leaving me in a matter of hours, a vast difference from the past almost-ten-months...
We've had our good times and some bad but I've no regrets.
You made my life a sunshine bliss and I thank you for that.
I'll leave out the more mushy and private stuff but I'll still like to end off with a big I LOVE YOU!
I really do. (:
I wish for angels to watch over you,
I wish for you to be safe, sound and happy,
I wish for success in your studies,
I wish for you, good luck.
Take very good care of yourself cause I can't be there to do so.
You'll always be on my mind. (:

2006-10-08T14:19:00.000+08:00

There was this larger-than-usual spider at the chalet last night, interrupting our sleep and guess what?!
HAHA.
The love actually called the operater for help and said that there is a "DAMN BIG SPIDER in my room!"
HAHA!
The spider was larger than usual, like the size of your palm or slightly smaller but not "DAMN BIG" okay?!
HAHA!
The love didn't dare kill it cause "what if it spits some venom at me"??
HAHA!

You think snake is it?
I was fucking sleepy by the way.

In the end, they sent some ENGINEER (whoaaa!!) over who used a cloth and chased the "DAMN BIG" spider outta the room. I bet he's like doubleU-tee-eff!
HAHA!

2006-10-05T18:26:00.000+08:00

Suddenly I feel afraid
Suddenly I feel a surge of sadness
Suddenly I feel a huge void, getting larger and larger
Suddenly I feel time's slipping away quicker than usual
Suddenly I feel like crying everytime I see you
Suddenly only you fill my vision
Suddenly my life's uncertain
Suddenly I feel some regret
Suddenly I feel like I could lie there with you and just forget the world
Suddenly I keep having flashbacks
Suddenly your smell's an essential
Suddenly I'm so paranoid
Suddenly I'm gripping so tight
Suddenly I'm not complete
Eventually it'll all eat me alive,
Incomplete

2006-10-05T13:19:00.000+08:00

Planning a Farewell BBQ for the love and I hope it turns out well. (:

2006-09-29T18:22:00.000+08:00

A.S.H says:
u must be slping like a pig now..i miss you so much..i really love u a lot n i wanna hold u forever..i really wanna treat u right cause u're so precious to me..life without u is gonna be a disaster..i noe i said a million i love you but everytime i say it i say it w all my heart..i've given u my best my everything..i just wan u to noe that u r impt to me n i need u..there r times when i suck..
A.S.H says:
sorry for thoe unhappy times..i will cont to try n change to be ur perfect lover..u always think im not satisfied w u..but its not true..to me u're already the best..thank you for being u..makes my life complete n meaningful..i know im always saying u let go of my hands n u really felt very accused bcoz u do it unknowingly..im not trying to find fault its just that i wanna hold you so badly..sorry
A.S.H says:
for making u feel so accused..i know that u do try your best..there r times when u held my hand tightly..all those times i know u're trying..i do appreciate it..im so thankful that i have you..you're the best gf i've ever have..although we have lots of disagreements n quarrel i still find this rs the most wonderful n enjoyable thing that have ever happened to me..its true..muackz..
A.S.H says:
i will cont to try n n make u the happiest princess on earth..i wanna cont this beautiful journey w u until my dying day..i will take care of u n be there for u all my life..i noe im not perfect..my hot temper must be giving u a hard time..sorry my dear..deep down i wanna make you feel like a real princess..pampered n protected..i will cont to change n try..for u i will be patient n i love u

It's times like these when I wake up the happiest and luckiest girl in the world.
(:

2006-09-23T15:32:00.000+08:00

Work's so tiring today!!!
I hate that Indian guy I worked with today! He's so rude and he vented all his frustrations on me. WHATEVER.
Love said I'm too dependant sometimes. WHATEVER.
Haha.
I don't really care, really. I'm just so pissed he's so rude. He kept shouting at me, that fucker.
That aside, I met nice customers, funny customers, weird customers and I was tipped 10buckeroos for getting a guest 4 glasses of tap water. Hahaha! Idiot!! But good for me. (:
There was a group of ang mohs that came up to me to explain that if X = pleasure, then X = the square root of CMI(Cock Mass Index) divided by TxD(Time times Distance of ejeculation), all to the power of viagra... Or something to that effect. WTF right?! Who in the hell tries to formulate pleasure??!
okay, great. Erm, I actually remembered most of it. Bahh... Haha.

I hate stupid lame cheapo customers who keep asking for ice water especially when it's fucking busy. Okay, granted if you ask once but go to hell if you ask me for a damn refill and only after one pathetic drink cause hello, who drinks ice water all night at clubs??! Some even gave me haughty airs... Seriously, I'd think 'fuck off' is too kind. Who are they to act all high and mighty when the price of their drinks can't even pay for my bra! HAHA. I'm so kidding. But it really gets on my nerves.
And then there are those smokers who ask me for matches or 'a light'! Aye, smoker but no lighter, smoke what shit?! Lighter very expensive meh? Bloody idiots you know?
Actually there are damn many stupid idiots, arrogant bastards, ignorant fools and think-they-damn-good-lookings out there. Some do make great entertainers! Haha.
But it ain't all that bad... I love those who are appreciative of my efforts. A 'thank you' and a smile will suffice. Is that asking too much?
Oh ya, I love bitching at work with the love! Haha. (:

2006-09-22T15:10:00.000+08:00

HA HA HA!
I am so irritating...
I grumbled all the way from Meridien to Plaza Singapura (which you might not think is very far but I didn't stop grumbling for even a second) about how love* used to send me home in a cab and now even wanting to take a cab gets me a big 'NO'.
I also kept grumbling how my shopping bags used to be carried and now I carry them all or at the least, most of it...
Then I started to get the silent treatment cause my love know it's all true and had nothing to say though I was incessantly called irritating, 'like auntie'... HAHA.
So I started to grumble how love used to listen to me ao attentively and grab every opportunity there was to talk to me but now, I'm talking to myself more than ever...

In the end, I got a ' I give up' and we boarded a cab and to my place first, of course! HAHAHA.

I'm beginning to think that my true talent lies in grumbling and complaining and making use of that to get what I want. HOHO.

But honestly speaking, I was truely happy cause it feels like the first time together...
Although my love said it was cause I was too irritating, I know it's cause I still matter. (:
I LOVE YOUUU!!!

Oh ya, Steff's in Genting now... I hope she's having a good time. I love you too!
I'll be there to catch you when you fall though I wish I don't have to (cause I don't want you to).
I hope you'll be happy, like seriously. I know what you're going through.
It's not easy but let's be positive okay? Mwahs!

2006-09-15T01:01:00.000+08:00

Genting was fun but I lost my newly bought camera, which instalments I haven't finished paying and RM250. That dampened the spirits quite a bit... I can still feel the pinch man. That seriously sucked.
In my opinion it's the most stupid way to have lost my stuff. I mean if I was careless and left it somewhere or robbed it would've been more acceptable but for fear of those two happening to me, I kept it in a clutch I hung over my wrist and yet...
So here's how it goes...
I had my clutch over my wrist and I went on into a bumper car, all ready for all the fun and suddenly, I saw my clutch emptying itself, with my money and whatevernot flying all over the place. Imagine the hysterical sight of us struggling to retrieve the stuff - circling the items, preventing other people from rolling over, shouting to alert each other about lingering items - it was crazy. Amongst the stuff that flew out, passports were included. Sing dollars, passports and a pathetic RM10 were retrieved. At first I thought I only lost the money and although I was upset, I wasn't that affected until I realised my clutch was missing a lot of weight, my camera! I don't know how these people move so fast! Really, amongst those fun, how many people could've paid attention to my stuff flying? I had suspects in mind but I can barely remember how they looked like. My love was saying it's Malaysia afterall and I shouldn't be expecting to get it back, though I was really having hopes. Just my luck, really. Count the number of times I've lost my stuff and now even when I've taken extra precautions... Dang dang dang! ): I just can't believe how rotten my luck is y'know?! I know I'm being extra whiney but I'm really sore about it. SIGH. Okay, I can't get it back already so WHATEVER. I'll just have to chew on it. GAH.

Other than my rotten mood and a few heated exchange of words, I had fun!! The rides took it all away cause I got to scream my lungs out! I guess that helped me in getting some load off my chest plus my love coaxed me till no end. (x There was no way I could've ruin the holiday any further even if I wanted to. Heh. I really loved the Space Shot! It was damn freakin' scary and thrilling that I could piss in my cherry panties but I loved it! I made love go on the ride with me three times! It's adrenaline plus afrodisiac. Hoho. Rest of the rides were quite the cheap thrills but were exciting enough to put a smile on my face. Wait till I get the photos from my love!!
It was great but I don't think love and I can go on anymore trips in a matter of weeks...
It's so distraughting! I'm really sad, I wanna cry!
I'm gonna miss you baby... ):

2006-09-10T10:12:00.000+08:00

Work yesterday was so fulfilling cause I felt a lot less clumsy, a lot more helpful, I finally plucked up enough courage to open champagne bottles and my first attempt was pretty damn successful.(:
Ohhh! But I got kissed by an indian cheekopek! My face gonna rot lorrr! PUI. Count himself lucky that he did it as a form of gratitude or else I can't guarantee I won't kick him in his balls! His moustache prick me can? Haha!
I actually like this job better than my Lancome one, which I'm thinking of quitting. Should I?
......
I'm so freaking bored cause the love's at work. Wish I was given shift today too... BOOHOO.
I MISS THE LOVE!
I'm so stickywicky! Yay! Cheers to sticky possessive girlfriends! Haha.

Genting tomorrow!! Though we just confirmed it this afternoon and it's a mad rush, I can't wait! Tours, more tours! I love 'em!
Which reminds me how little time I have left with the love. ):
I don't wanna share my one month!!! *wails*

2006-09-08T16:37:00.000+08:00

I hate stupid bitches who cling on to what's no longer theirs.
Yeah, I'm possessive but not childish!
PUI.
Get a life.
I would've more respect for her if she didn't prove herself such an infantile. Bleah.
She can go on and try, harder if she likes but I won't give up what I've gotten going thru so much.
I've already taken a step back by allowing her to exist within my parameters knowing she has an ulterior motive so she should learn how to be content and not ask for a million miles by dishing out an ultimatum. PUI.
I wish she called me cause I've so much sense to make.

2006-09-08T00:51:00.000+08:00

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

2006-09-06T09:57:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was my first day at my new work place, where the love works!
I was damn excited at first until I was told I was gonna start work all alone...
I was so bloody scared cause I'm unfamiliar with the entire place and job and everything I need to know. I was so scared till I cried hokay! HAHA. BLAH. I know I've morphed into sucha crybaby but whateverrrr. Haha.
I did feel extra clumsy and stupid and imposing though it didn't turn out as bad as expected...
Just imagine spilling more beer than I can pump... Haha. But that's just the beginning. I got better!! I reallly did. Heh.
I'm looking forward to my next work shift!
Yay!! I'm done with the worst!
Honestly, I feel quite accomplished. Double yay!! (:

2006-09-03T09:12:00.000+08:00

We can pretend it's all okay but there's still specks of insecurity worming inside me.
Maybe I'm not the same person you knew 8 months and 23 days ago anymore.
Perhaps I'm more demanding, more unreasonable, more possessive and more repulsive than before... The loving doves in the cold vast sky no longer soar.
What brought me here is evil but I'll not give up so easily.
I'll be your perfect lover.
Yes, I will.

2006-09-02T23:27:00.000+08:00

I'm left with burning questions in my head.
Was it really so hard to tell me when I asked?
I think I've told you before whatever it is, if you decide to do it, please let me know. Doesn't that show that I'm already prepared?
I have an uncertain desire to know what kept you back. I wanna know yet there's an inherent fear that I would end up chanting ignorance is bliss.
I'm upset not because it happened though I would've felt uncomfortable and uneasy but because you find it hard to tell me. I don't know what's on your mind and I'm dying to know. I said I'm losing faith cause I'm so unsure of everything right now. I don't even know how you're feeling or what happened. I don't think it's very fair to me. Don't I have the right to know? After all I'm not just a friend... Or am I?
I don't doubt you, I don't suspect anything amiss but for some reasons, I just feel so bitter inside. Don't I even deserve some words of comfort?
You had a long day and probably not a good one but what about me? Spared a thought about how I'd feel? I thought I was someone special? I don't wanna make things worse for you and I hate to see you agonised so no matter how painful it was for me to be left alone, I left you alone. I think for you in such selfless ways and i won't say you haven't done the same but didn't I deserve at least some words of comfort and assurance?
I waited all night and I tried to contact you all night... Imagine my disappointment.
Maybe I'm overreacting or maybe I just need to see you and be in your tight embrace but now, I'm just waiting. For what, I don't quite know yet.

2006-08-28T19:36:00.000+08:00

I feel so lousy.
Why do you have to say all the words that make me bleed?
What does it take to be happy?
Why am I always doing the wrong things?
Will I ever be able to please you genuinely?

I don't wanna step out to face anyone but yet I feel like I'm gonna disintegrate any moment if I hold it in any longer.
I hear the folks and the maid playing with my rabbit outside and somehow I have the urge to go out and play with it. Fuck if it bites me - At least I have a reason to cry out loud, scream and shout.
I need to talk to someone. Solitude sucks.

//i'm about to crumble

2006-08-21T08:29:00.000+08:00

In this world of uncertainties, death serves to provide some balance, some form of certainty.
In this disparaging world of imperfections, death bring us all to one final and common state of perfection where all in life is comeplete.
Death occurs when you have no more business in this living world whether decided by you or mightier powers.

Sometimes you have your life revolving around one thing and your emotions and mental capabilities banked on the one same thing and when that one thing deem you useless or let know your deed is done, you feel like you have no more living business. Then you feel the need to look for a little something to hang on to but you know no one will ever (want to) understand so you just let it slide and slip away...

The hurt is a reminder, the blood is a legacy.

Sometimes it is this thing that is so important and special that the thought of death keeps creeping in cause you want your life complete with this masterpiece, sealed to perfection;
The perfection of you and me.

You proved love to be a luxurious decadence that I willingly set myself up for.
Let me decay;
In the name of love.

//a masterpiece will always be one; it's irreplaceable

2006-08-20T14:12:00.000+08:00

Last night's drama was definitely located at the worst venues ever, I swear!
Both places were so infested with mosquitoes that I couldn't stop scratching myself like a flea infested bitch. It's like I couldn't even concentrate on crying as much as I wanted to! Haha.
Okay, I made the whole affair sound like some joke but no, truth's that it was devastating, seriously. It stinks to know you're unhappy and it stings to know it's cause of me. Never felt as lost as now for all the times in my life I've not measured up. It got me so wired up, so depressed. But y'know, it's okay if you made me cry today just as long as you make me smile tomorrow. (:

The hurt dissipates each time you make me feel blessed...

And amazingly it'll be all worth the while.

I feel like drinking now, for some unknown reason and I have creme de cassis hanging on my mind... Haha. It's mild and bittersweet but more sweet than bitter, definitely a lady's.
Truth be told, I've never enjoyed the stronger stuff and I still can't appreciate beer. Nope, not even hoegaarden. *shrugs*

I'm so outta work now! I'm sick of my plastic cosmetic girl job. The only thing that keeps me going? Freebies! But in a way it's bad cuse I won't be able to afford luxurious skincare after I quit. Bahh. What am I gonna use then?!
I AM BORED!

Did I say that my air-con broke down?! It's so oh-my-fucking-god hot now and all the heat and boredom's making me grouchy! /:

//kiss me, thrill me

2006-08-18T02:13:00.000+08:00

Why does sucha fine day have to turn the tables on me?

I bloody hell hate heated words that cut so deep, the deafening noise that silence the heart, the cold icy stare that's made of rock and the distance that diminishes your back...

We often allow a moment of anger to overshadow the rest of our emotions.
You see, I can't even remember how it started...
Can you?

Let the compromise begin and the smiles flashing again.

//we don't give up so easily on things we hold so dear